We were out of the office tending to stuff on Wednesday afternoon, so that's why we bageled on our comments to you guys' witty banter Wednesday. Hey it was witty Wednesday, starring our usual cast of characters. (And yes, Todd, if the TFP could find themselves a sports editor worth his weight in salt, Saltines or Sea-Salt potato chips, well, the trains would really roll on time.)
Gang, remember Friday's mailbag. And in honor of Aaron "Double A" Hernandez, we'll be giving everyone's gangsta nicknames today. Giddy-up. Don't call it a comeback, he's been here for years.
From the "Talks too much" studios, remember it's good luck... in Haiti.
Unlike Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman, dang glad to meet you, we were not pre-law at Faber (Thought it was pre-med? What's the difference?).
That said, we're going to go out on a limb here and say first-degree murder chargers seem pretty serious. There could be jail in his future.
And since we all know this guy is as bright as a bag of hammers, and to follow on the heels of witty Wednesday, let's move on to Gangsta' Thursday. (And yes, Todd, the snap of handcuffs certainly gets your attention. And don't know how many of you folks know this first hand, but the back of a cop car is not designed for a comfortable ride. Pretty cramped spaces back there. Well, or so we've been told... cough, cough.)
We'll let the legal proceeding play out, and if Double A did it, hope he gets what he deserves.
Here, though, are five quick random thoughts about the situation:
1) Great line by Jomo on witty Wednesday about if/when Hernandez goes to the joint, his time as a tight end is over. Hey now... He meant with the Patriots, right? Wait a sec... Moving on.
2) We believe, coupled with the Gronk injury, that this is Lord's way to make sure the Pats need Tim Tebow. Amen and pass the tight end playbook.
3) If he does go to jail, where will Hernandez put his new prison tats since all the prime tat real estate has already been purchased.
4) If he did do this, and the link appears to be the victim's squeeze was Hernandez' fee-ance's sister - whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night - then it's obvious that Hernandez forgot the sage advice from Gale Snoats in Raising Arizona: "Well, sometimes your career's gotta come before family."
5) Rumors has it, his sleeveless journey to the joint was a tribute to coach and renowned fashionista Bill Belichick, who may or may not have the phrase "Your going to like the way I look in this cut-off, hoodie sweatshirt, I guarantee it" embroidered on a nice napkin that hangs in his office. Also, here's saying Belichick was so mad at this development he cut two special-teams players, fired three interns and called Nick Saban to plot how they can overthrow a third-world island country so they can go somewhere and work without post-practice news conferences. Horse heads for everyone.
What say you?
We all heard the news about Double A, but did you see that a rookie Cleveland Browns linebackers named Ausar Walcott was arrested for attempted murder for punching a dude in the face early Sunday morning outside some joint called "The Palace Gentlemen's Club" which is likely either the local Goodwill donation center or a possible public library extension? (Side question I: Has there been a "good" story in the news about athletes that included the terms "early morning hours" and "outside the club" since like ever? Side question II:If you were going to open a "Gentleman's Club" what would you name it? And gang, let's try to keep this as clean as we can on a Gangsta' Thursday. Seriously. We'll start with "Pole Land.")
The guy Walcott punched - Derrick Jones - is in critical condition. The thought of getting punched square in the face by an NFL linebacker is scary.
According to a San Diego Times-Union database there now have been 28 NFL players arrested since the Super Bowl.
And since the NFL gives the Walter Payton Award to its man of the year, maybe they ought to consider the Rae Carruth Criminal of the year award. Hernandez would be the Vegas favorite in the clubhouse, but Walcott certainly will get some consideration.
We're going to breakdown the SEC over/under win totals sometime this weekend in a column for the TFP. Hey, now that Todd's a subscriber and all we have to pick up our game. Hey, look at the big brain on Brad.
We get frequent e-mails telling us about the betting action of various sports books in Vegas. We received a few from friend of the show RJ Bell of pregame.com this week that we thought were interesting.
First, want to know how big of a shocker it is that Nadal, Federer and Sharapova lost before the first Saturday of Wimbledon? If you compounded the odds of each losing this early, the pay-out on a $100 bet would have been roughly $10 million. Read that again.
Second, the tight end troubles with the New England Patriots have dropped their Super Bowl odds down to 8-to-1, the same as the Seattle Seahawks and behind the Broncos and the 49ers, who are each 6-to-1. It's the first time since 2003, that the Pats are not one of the two favorites to reach the Super Bowl.
Third, they released the over/under win totals for all of the BCS teams for the upcoming regular season. Remembering that only the 12 regular season games count, the over/under for Alabama was 11 (amazing, and even more amazing, we'd likely bet the over), Georgia was 10 and Auburn and Tennessee are at 6. If we were forced to wager - for entertainment purposes only of course - we'd go over, under, over and push. Ten is a really good number for Georgia, and six is a spot-on great over/under for Tennessee.
For you Mocs followers out there, while it was not official in Vegas, we'll unofficially set the UTC over/under win total at 8.5. Whatcha think?
- OK, Oregon got three years probation and former coach Chip Kelly, who is now in the NFL making huge coin, got an 18-month show cause penalty for paying a Houston-based recruiting expert/handler/scum bag/pimp named Willie Lyles $25K for what was termed "analysis" but what proved to be connections and the chance to land former five-star running back Lache Seastrunk (who has since transfered to Baylor and could be a darkhorse Heisman contender this fall). Oregon got off unbelievably light considering the levels of its infractions, and the lesson here is the same one we all learned in kindergarten. Tell the truth. Chip Kelly got an easy 18 months for his program paying 25K for a recruit. That's an NCAA felony, and the sentence seems 100 percent misdemeanor. Bruce Pearl got three years for lying about a Bar-B-Q and trying to get an 18-year-old to lie about it and back-up his story. The difference? Well, you know the difference. And yes, Chip Kelly got sent to his room to play video games while Pearl got whipped with a belt. (You know what we're talking about.)
- Gangsta names for the above? We'll go 2 Chips Kelly; Mother for Pearl and Willie Lo-Lo for Willie Lyles. Thoughts?
- So now A-Rod has his feelings hurt and he thinks the Yankees are mad at him and are looking for a way to get rid of him, huh? Well, who in a million years would want to dump an injury-prone, alleged-steroid-user who is set to make $29 million this year? Since admitting to SI in February of 2009 that he got some PEDs from his cousin Yuri, A-Rod has not hit better than .286 and has averaged less than 24 homers per season. For his career, A-Rod has averaged a .300 averaged and more than 34 homers per year. Side note: Cousin Yuri is involved in the latest Biogenesis stuff and is reportedly going to testify before MLB. Is there any doubt that if the Yankees were a crime family and word got out that the FBI had an informant inside the Yankees, A-Rod's the rat?
- The draft is tonight. We're stoked. Hey, we love the draft - you know this. We may try to take to The Twitter.
- We completed Auburn week on Wednesday and we have a mailbag question in the que on the Tigers.
It's a Talkin' Thursday, so that leaves the mic open for you folks. "MCA, pick up the mic my man."
We're trying to turn over a new leaf and make the 5-at-10 lighter and quicker. As our high school hoops coach, the infamous David Boyd like to remind us, "Be quick but no in a hurry."
So let's hit some rapid fires:
You only get to pick one of the following to answer, and feel free to replace it with a quick fire question of your own:
Of course you can feel free to riff on any of the above, such as your zinger about Aaron Hernandez, any nominees for Rae Carruth NFL criminal of the year or your view on the over/under win totals of the Tide, Bulldogs, Mocs, Tigers or Vols.
If you still need some talking points, well, here you go:
• Which of the 10 players invited to the NBA draft green room tonight will have the "best" suit? Discuss.
• Now that we have reviewed Auburn, which college football program should we look at next? The choices are UT, UGA, UTC or Bama - and we'll get to each of them in the days ahead - we're just giving you the chance to speak now or forever hold your peace. (Or if you're Aaron Hernandez, that cliche would be "shoot now or forever hold your piece." Thank you.)
Discuss and remember the mailbag.