A visual guide of medals won by country during the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.It has kidnapped my family every four years for as far back as I can remember, at least since 1968, possibly longer. Near the end of all those long, hot summers, our sleep stolen by Mark Spitz and Mary Lou and Carl Lewis and Karch Kiraly and Kerri Strug and Michael Johnson's golden shoes, we've slogged through the days looking like cast members from "The Walking Dead" before "The Walking Dead" existed.
Ah, the Summer Olympics in all their glory, grandeur and jingoism.
But it wasn't going to be that way this year. To heck with Rio. Too much dirty water. Too many dirty athletes (especially those from Russia). And way too many dirty politicians - which is why, despite all the Brazilian government's promises, open-water swimmers such as former McCallie star Sean Ryan will be forced to endure the disgustingly dirty water when he begins his 10K swim next Tuesday, three days after his 24th birthday.
No, if ever there was a year to go to bed at a reasonable hour, to mute NBC swimming analyst Rowdy Gaines' constant warning of "don't go out too fast," to forego Bob Costas' cutesy late night interviews, this was the year.
After all, what was Michael Phelps thinking by jumping back into the pool at the creaky age of 31? How can the Dream Team be the Dream Team without LeBron or Stephen? And if you're going to make golf a sport for the first time in more than a century, shouldn't the United States be sending its top two ranked players, Jordan Spieth and Dustin Johnson, rather than world No. 14 Patrick Reed?
But then these Summer Games began last Friday with an upbeat opening ceremony. Soon returned the ageless wonder Phelps and a possible wonder for the ages in 19-year-old Katie Ledecky, who might become the female Phelps.
Within the swimming pool also surfaced 19-year-old breaststroker Lilly King, who boldly and brilliantly criticized Russian foe Yulia Efimova (make of that last name what you wish) for the Russian's doping past and the Olympics' odd decision to let her swim, the American saying after her golden win, "It's incredible, just winning a gold medal, and knowing I did it clean."
For that quote alone, King deserves her own Wheaties box and a USOC-sponsored speaking tour throughout the land.
But our red, white and blue heroes are everywhere. There's beach volleyball icon Kerri Walsh Jennings, now 37 years old and the mother of three. There's 19-year-old Ginny Thrasher, all 5-foot-1 of her, who first shot a rifle five years ago when she went whitetail deer hunting with her grandfather, then bagged the country's first gold medal of these Rio Games in the 10-meter air rifle.
Always, everywhere, there are Phelps and our "Final Five" women's gymnastics team, which may be the real U.S. dream team.
Indeed, if any of our teams represents modern America, it may be the Final Five, so named because they are the last American women's gymnastics team lucky enough to call the retiring Martha Karolyi their coach, as well as the last gymnastics gold medal winners who will have five team members. (Four-member teams will compete in Tokyo 2020.)
In an increasingly diverse country, this Fab Five consists of two white gymnasts (Aly Raisman and Madison Kocian), two black gymnasts (Gabby Douglas and Simone Biles) and one Latina gymanst (Laurie Hernandez). Call then our Olympic Rainbow Coalition.
That said, Phelps is becoming the permanent face of U.S. Olympic success, his Tuesday night one for the ages as he anchored the 4x200-meter relay on the same evening he captured the 200 butterfly. If you want to understand what makes him arguably the greatest Olympian ever, merely return to the end of that relay, Phelps struggling to pull himself out of the pool, his last ounce of energy spent.
Given the world's political upheaval of 1936, you can argue that the four gold medals won by Jesse Owens in those Berlin Games with the monster Hitler in the stands was the greatest Olympic feat ever. Legendary Boston Globe writer Bob Ryan believes the late Al Oerter winning four gold medals in the discus (1956, 1960, 1964, 1968) while setting an Olympic record each time makes him the greatest ever.
And both Owens and Oerter are clearly U.S. Olympic giants. But for Phelps to have won 21 golds as of Wednesday afternoon while competing in five Olympics is no less extraordinary and undeniably fun to watch now that he can exit the pool and kiss his infant son, Boomer, in victory.
Despite King's rant against the Russian dopers, these aren't the Cold War Olympics which so often became us versus the USSR, a morality play for marketing as much as fact.
We now have a golfer such as the Northern Irish great Rory McIlroy, who said of his reason to skip Rio: "I didn't get into golf to try and grow the game. I got into golf to win championships and win major championships."
Our own basketball team is staying on a yacht. We have a host country so inept in water treatment that algae is growing in the diving pool, turning it a gross green.
But we also have this from American golfer Reed: "Growing up (as golfers), all we dreamed about was the majors. But I remember watching the Olympics and wishing I had the chance to go play for a gold medal."
Starting today, he does. And because of such poised, passionate, patriotic Americans as Jennings, King, Ledecky, Phelps, Reed, Thrasher, Walsh Jennings and the Final Five, the rest of us have a reason to lose sleep for at least one more Olympic summer, somewhat secure that our heroes are doing it clean.
Now if we could just find some clean water for Sean Ryan to swim in next week.
Contact Mark Wiedmer at mwiedmer@timesfreepress.com.