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Lisa Denton

Stories by Lisa

Time to get your spook on — Sept. 27-Nov. 2

Three haunted atractions open this weekend

Halloween is weeks away, but scares are closer than you think.

The Association for Visual Arts is sponsoring a 48-hour, community film project, called Capture, that will put local folks behind the camera lens.

Mountain Creek Harley-Davidson in Dalton, Ga., is planning a three-day celebration of "Motorcycles, Moonshine & Music."

Bret Mosley, an artist known for mixing then transcending the rawest elements of Delta blues, roots rock, folk, funk and rap, will be in concert at 9 tonight, Sept. 26, at The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway.

One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation, "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons: a $500 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $300 sermon that lasts 15 minutes and a $50 sermon that last a full hour."

LISA DENTON: Barry, I bet that, after talking to Jimmy Carter the other day (the singer, not the former president), you could make a strong case for seeing the Blind Boys of Alabama in concert tonight at the UTC Fine Arts Center.

It's time to head into the corn. With any luck, you'll find your way out.

The Chattanooga Symphony & Opera won't officially open the 2013-14 season until a Sept. 26 Masterworks concert at the Tivoli Theatre.

Guntersville, Ala., was the last show Ricky Nelson played before his death in a plane crash on New Year's Eve 1985. Tonight, Sept. 19, his twin sons, Gunnar and Matthew, will offer a tribute, "Ricky Nelson Remembered," an hour east in Fort Payne, Ala.

Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?

"There was a land of Cavaliers and Cotton Fields called the Old South... Here in this pretty world Gallantry took its last bow... Here was the last ever to be seen of Knights and their Ladies Fair, of Master and of Slave... Look for it only in books, for it is no more than a dream remembered. A Civilization gone with the wind ..."

Along with daytime productions for area schoolchildren this week, Lee University in Cleveland, Tenn., will host a public performance of Tanglewood Marionettes' "Cinderella" at 7 p.m. today, Sept. 12, in the Dixon Center, 1053 Church St.

It made the news recently that a woman has sued a hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

Remember that 1970s-era "Wide World of Sports" intro, "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat"?

LISA DENTON: You know, Barry, the way I see it, ZZ Top ought to be on everybody's list of favorite bands. They've got musical chops. They've got longevity. They've got beards!

I was mailing a box at the Red Bank post office, and the counter man launched into his preshipping spiel: Anything dangerous in the box -- poison, radioactive, caustic?

LISA DENTON: Fall won't be here for another three weeks, Barry, but it sure feels like summer's over when Labor Day rolls around.

After Fourth of July fireworks fizzled out in heavy rains two months ago, some event planners looked ahead to the next big holiday. Which brings us to Labor Day.

A new two-day festival celebrating boats, bands and beer has the Ocoee River as its backdrop.

A husband and wife are driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, one of the greatest days in the whole wide world is coming up — opening day of the college football season. It’s great. Everybody is still undefeated, so there is still hope and all that.

A honeymoon couple arrive at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C., but the bride is a bit concerned about spending their wedding night there.

Get out your Mossy Oak, and ungroom your beard. The Sequatchie County Fair's "Duck Dynasty" look-alike contest is at 5 p.m. CDT today, Aug. 15, at the fairgrounds at 103 Heard St. in Dunlap, Tenn.

Q: How do you know if you have a really tough mosquito?

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, the Sequatchie County Fair starts on Wednesday, and it has come up with a truly great idea that seems to hit all the marks. It’s going to hold a “Duck Dynasty” lookalike contest. Perfect. The only way it gets better is if a woman takes the runner-up prize. Only because it’d be funny.

Maybe it was the Stars and Stripes already painted on the side of the building that led Greg and Mindy Carder to name their new venture the Great American Burger Co. Or maybe it’s the all-American menu they decided on: hamburgers, hot dogs and barbecue.

A husband and wife are at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling comes up.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I’m thinking about heading out to McKay’s today for Customer Appreciation Day. The bookstore/music emporium/film vault at 7734 Lee Highway will be giving away free food, T-shirts and posters from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., but what I’m really hoping to win is a chance to get into the cash cube to grab some store trade credits.

A lecture offered Saturday, Aug. 3, at the McMinn County Living Heritage Museum in Athens, Tenn., will be a preview for an upcoming exhibit.

"Kate Middleton went into labor this morning in London. When the rest of the royal family heard, they were like, 'Oh my God. What's labor?'" — Jimmy Fallon

LISA DENTON: Barry, one of my favorite things in the world, besides sporks, is the smell of fresh crayons. That’s why I’m excited that Tennessee’s tax-free weekend is coming up Friday through Sunday.

An elderly husband and wife have become a bit forgetful, so they visit their doctor.

LISA DENTON: Barry, the Southern Lit Alliance has an event coming up that I like the sound of. Its name reminds me of the way a lot of us talk, like saying "thingamabob" or "whatchamacallit." It's called Artamajig. The name alone makes it sound fun.

The Syfy Channel premiered an instant television classic last week with the airing of "Sharknado” about a tornado that carries hundreds of sharks inland.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, if you've ever wanted to get out and try what local chefs are doing with all the fresh produce, meats and cheeses that are produced locally, this is the week.

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I've never been much of a gamer — a player, maybe, if you know what I mean — but I have to say I'm intrigued by the Video Games Live show coming to Memorial Auditorium on Thursday. Have you heard about this?

A visitor from Holland chatting with his American friend was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, it’s time to blow stuff up.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, one of the funniest skits I've seen in a long while is the Dave Chappelle mockumentary involving Rick James and Charlie Murphy. Like a lot of Chappelle's best stuff, we can't actually quote it here, but the man is funny.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I figure that, as long as we're in the habit of getting off the couch every night of the week thanks to Riverbend, we should keep that trend going.

"I've lost 8 pounds."

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, Riverbend leaves the 21st Century Waterfront tonight and heads over to M.L. King Boulevard for the Bessie Smith Strut. Like last year, the Strut will be a gated event, which is a sad testimonial to the world today, but what are you going to do?

Two dragons walk into a bar. One says, "Boy, it's hot in here."

LISA DENTON: Barry, with Riverbend bearing down on us, it would make sense to rest up before Friday, but there's too much going on.

This weekend's Coke Ovens Bluegrass Festival is a chance to hear music as old as the hills that surround the 62-acre Cove Ovens Park in Dunlap, Tenn.

Leroy, a drug addict, goes to a revival and listens to the preacher.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I am looking ahead to Friday night, and I am seeing a quandary.

University of Tennessee sports fans may already know about Aubrey's, a chain of eight neighborhood restaurants mostly around Knoxville.

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