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Lisa Denton

Stories by Lisa

Q: How do you know if you have a really tough mosquito?

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, the Sequatchie County Fair starts on Wednesday, and it has come up with a truly great idea that seems to hit all the marks. It’s going to hold a “Duck Dynasty” lookalike contest. Perfect. The only way it gets better is if a woman takes the runner-up prize. Only because it’d be funny.

Maybe it was the Stars and Stripes already painted on the side of the building that led Greg and Mindy Carder to name their new venture the Great American Burger Co. Or maybe it’s the all-American menu they decided on: hamburgers, hot dogs and barbecue.

A husband and wife are at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling comes up.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I’m thinking about heading out to McKay’s today for Customer Appreciation Day. The bookstore/music emporium/film vault at 7734 Lee Highway will be giving away free food, T-shirts and posters from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., but what I’m really hoping to win is a chance to get into the cash cube to grab some store trade credits.

A lecture offered Saturday, Aug. 3, at the McMinn County Living Heritage Museum in Athens, Tenn., will be a preview for an upcoming exhibit.

"Kate Middleton went into labor this morning in London. When the rest of the royal family heard, they were like, 'Oh my God. What's labor?'" — Jimmy Fallon

LISA DENTON: Barry, one of my favorite things in the world, besides sporks, is the smell of fresh crayons. That’s why I’m excited that Tennessee’s tax-free weekend is coming up Friday through Sunday.

An elderly husband and wife have become a bit forgetful, so they visit their doctor.

LISA DENTON: Barry, the Southern Lit Alliance has an event coming up that I like the sound of. Its name reminds me of the way a lot of us talk, like saying "thingamabob" or "whatchamacallit." It's called Artamajig. The name alone makes it sound fun.

The Syfy Channel premiered an instant television classic last week with the airing of "Sharknado” about a tornado that carries hundreds of sharks inland.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, if you've ever wanted to get out and try what local chefs are doing with all the fresh produce, meats and cheeses that are produced locally, this is the week.

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I've never been much of a gamer — a player, maybe, if you know what I mean — but I have to say I'm intrigued by the Video Games Live show coming to Memorial Auditorium on Thursday. Have you heard about this?

A visitor from Holland chatting with his American friend was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, it’s time to blow stuff up.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, one of the funniest skits I've seen in a long while is the Dave Chappelle mockumentary involving Rick James and Charlie Murphy. Like a lot of Chappelle's best stuff, we can't actually quote it here, but the man is funny.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I figure that, as long as we're in the habit of getting off the couch every night of the week thanks to Riverbend, we should keep that trend going.

"I've lost 8 pounds."

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, Riverbend leaves the 21st Century Waterfront tonight and heads over to M.L. King Boulevard for the Bessie Smith Strut. Like last year, the Strut will be a gated event, which is a sad testimonial to the world today, but what are you going to do?

Two dragons walk into a bar. One says, "Boy, it's hot in here."

LISA DENTON: Barry, with Riverbend bearing down on us, it would make sense to rest up before Friday, but there's too much going on.

This weekend's Coke Ovens Bluegrass Festival is a chance to hear music as old as the hills that surround the 62-acre Cove Ovens Park in Dunlap, Tenn.

Leroy, a drug addict, goes to a revival and listens to the preacher.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I am looking ahead to Friday night, and I am seeing a quandary.

University of Tennessee sports fans may already know about Aubrey's, a chain of eight neighborhood restaurants mostly around Knoxville.

Max went into the doctor's office for his annual checkup, and the doctor asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.

LISA DENTON: OK, Barry, we're coming up on Memorial Day weekend, which means an extra day to get off the couch.

Washington State has passed laws legalizing marijuana and gay marriage.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, I'm glad and sad to see that The Comedy Catch is hosting a fundraiser for Wally Witkowski's family to help pay some of the bills following his long illness and subsequent death.

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, it's a veritable honeypot of things to do on the calendar this week. We've got festivals, theater productions and events with food, which is always good.

Q: How many Realtors does it take to change a light bulb?

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, I'm thinking of getting a bunch of T-shirts printed up and selling them at the Chattanooga Market.

A colleague reports:

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, the Chattanooga Symphony & Opera has done some far-out things over the years, which is commendable, but they've nailed it this time.

A woodworker reports: "I use scraps of wood, called 'shorts,' for carving.

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, if I said to you the words "hotel motel," what would you respond?

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

A new study found that women's IQs are higher than men's for the first time in 100 years.

LISA DENTON: Well, Barry, the Easter feast is over and I'm wondering if deviled eggs and angel food cake cancel each other out.

These announcements, according to legend, actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services.

LISA DENTON: Barry, I got all excited about the annual blessing of the bikes coming up Saturday at the Tennessee Riverpark. Then I discovered it was the Choo Choo Wheels of Worship chapter of the Christian Motorcyclists Association. You reckon they'd lay hands on my Schwinn?

LISA DENTON: Barry, you've worked beside me long enough to know that I have a few quirks. One may be the fact that I could enjoy both big concerts coming up this weekend, even though George Jones and Elton John have virtually nothing in common. Musically or otherwise.

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

BARRY COURTER: Lisa, just as we sometimes need to put on a pair of work boots and maybe a John Deere cap and get a little wild at a WWE or monster truck show, the well-rounded person will occasionally put on a pair of heels and something frilly and take i

One dark night in a small town, a fire starts inside the local sausage factory. In a blink, the building is engulfed in flames.

LISA DENTON: Barry Courter is taking some time off. If history is any indication, he's consulting manuals with titles like "487 Easy Steps To Painting Your House" or "Fun With Caulk" and calling the Measure Twice Cut Once Emergency Oops Line.

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