Angry Elon things! Loud Noises!
Toilet paper is a good call but it falls into the arguments of things you "pay for what you get." You want a premium product at a premium price or you get stuck with John Wayne Toilet Paper, its rough, its tough, and it dont take sh*t off nobody. Since we are on the subject of toilet paper, is there any other place on your body that you could get feces on and would be okay with just wiping it with tissue until you dont see it anymore? Ponder that.
I like the 5@10 Top Five Summer List. Todd's top five doesnt have to incorporate offspring yet, but it would stick with number 1 because there is the time tested adage, "If momma aint happy, nobody's happy." So its always critical to assure she is getting her due in your summer plans. Maybe we could practice starting a family. After that there are only two more steps. Your step 4 becomes my step 2 and my step 3 is to repeat step 2 until destiny runs its course. My findings have been that if you repeat number 2 enough and don't push it to the point where number 1 leaves your sorry butt, you will inevitably find yourself accomplishing some of the things on the 5's list, laying outside, floating down a river, driving a Hoverround at the grand canyon, etc, without having to make plans to do such. CoCola's have an amazing ability to get you into some of life's more interesting experiences without proper preparation.
R. Kelly's Golden Shower Waterpark would be one to continue to drive past. Neverland's waterpark addition would be another to pass on. Why do you have to be under this height to enter the park? "Uncle Fannie's Fecal Park, where if you dont mind, then the fecal dont matter." I feel like a lot of waterpark downfalls revolve around human waste. Soakya isnt taking home any awards, but The Runs is an all timer, simple but telling.
Congrats to your pops by the way. My Padre is a man who doesnt like change either. Same woman since '77, same job since '75, same beard since '72. The fact that my mother has never seen the man without a beard is baffling. Any thoughts of nightime shaving raids by my brother and I were quickly abandoned following the images of the thumpings that would follow. Self preservation.
Here is some fictional draft knowledge, which I know so many of you draft junkies would have brought up. During Dave Chappelle's racial draft, the African Americans selected Tiger Woods with the overall number one pick. After shaking hands with the commissioner he was quoted as saying "so long fried rice, hello fried chicken." Maybe Sergio got fictional Tiger and real Tiger confused and legitimately thought he had an affection for fried chicken. In the same skit the Latinos took Elian Gonzalez at number three cause they were worried the Caucasians were going to steal him at number four.
Elway did spurn the Colts, as documented in the 30-for-30 "Elway to Marino." However, I wouldnt say that Elway was able to pluck Manning from the Colts seeing how the Colts released Manning in March of 2012. Thats not to diminish the fact that I am sure Ole Horse Toothed Elway took great pride in being able to acquire Manning with all the neck risk involved, which in addition to the acquisition of Andrew Luck played a large role in his release, and it still worked out for him. He probably had himself a few extra carrots to celebrate.
Jomo, I didnt post anything from 12:38 til 3:06 cause I had punched a hole in my monitor. Curse you and Charles Woodson.
There are still things to discuss regarding the NBA for the next few weeks. Anyone see Tayshaun Prince forget he is 33 last night coming down the lane? Dude was looking more 2003 than 2013. He dunkfaced some sucker and looked as surprised as anyone else.
Also, has anyone else noticed that when Lebron drives and gets hit, he develops this weird flop as if he is being controlled like a marionette by a drunk puppeteer, flailing his arms about so as to attain the call? Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich. Haven't quite figured out how he is still able to get the ball in for the three point play, but the "jello theatrics" are amateur at best.
JMC, I am sure the 5@10 could fetch as many comments as Mr. Cook or Mr. Bennett's sections of the website, but Jay strictly forbids us from wearing aluminium foil hats anymore, so the government is still capable of controlling our brain waves, thus preventing comments of useless dribble and hatred. Its all in the Family Oriented Interweb Based Sports Column Handbook, check it out.
Having grown up in Knoxville during the time period of Peyton's Heisman race, I can assure you that some people will never recover from Woodson stealing UT's Golden Orange child's trophy. There are still people that growl at the television in 2013 when Woodson is shown. Far too many people with children named Peyton in the 865 to let that one go.
May has become the Month of Mocs-mania. Blackburn has certainly set the bar high for himself for the rest of his career. I havent felt this much buzz in the entire time I have been a UTC follower.
I will see your tennis theory, and raise you swimming. Swimming you say, the fundamental skill acquired through self preservation when one enters a body of water of significant depth? Yes, that swimming, and I would say Michael Phelps rivals R-Fed in the needle moving category despite only being relevant sport-wise every four years. Sure, lots of people like to splash in the pool during the day and then take bong rips and eat Subway at night, but Phelps did it while winning gold medals. And when he was on, we were watching.
Going to be hard for the Bulls to implement their "Ding the King" strategy when the Heat send out their hockey enforcer. They call him the Birdman, you may have heard of him, he fly's in any weather. Chris Anderson is one of those guys that when he is on your team you love his hustle and ability to annoy the other team to the point of madness, when he is on the team you are facing, you will want to punch him through your tv.
I know I am now "Hans and Franz Pumped" for game three. The Bulls are going to come out swinging for the embarrassment that was just schalacked on them and they are talking about D.Rose returning. Chicago's arena is going to possibly explode. However, if Lebron plays like he did last night with the other folks chipping in, it may not matter how crazy the Bulls get.
Jay, do you foresee any fines or suspensions stemming from the behavior of some of the Heat or Bull players last night? I dont know how the NBA works as a business with the players and refs being coworkers, but if I told a fellow employee here to go "self-stimulate" themselves in front of our customers(i.e. the fans), I have a feeling it may get brought up at our next round table. Thoughts?
This weekend was a doozy. My favorite superhero movie is going to be about my kidneys and liver. It was Star Wars Day(May the Fourth be with you), Derby Day, UTC Graduation (Lady Todd makes me call her master now), Cinco de Mayo, and something else I am sure. Too many opportunities for celebration. Mint Juleps haven't gotten any better over the course of a year and tequila is the devil. (I would be willing to open the doors for free immigration if Mexico is willing to take tequila back.) I picked Falling Sky to win at our gathering and the only horse he beat was a scratch. I'll miss those "entertainment vouchers."
I got a top five list for you, top overall action movie actors. Arnold? Stalone? Willis? Dark horse Swayze? This provided some good water cooler discussion around here.