Jay, couple things real quick. One, I attempted to go to the International Federation Of Competitive Eating's website, IFOCE.com while at work and our firewall blocked me cause it is deemed a sports website. "Youve got to kidding me..." However, I got to it via other resources and it was cringe worthy reading. Two, while there are records for Vienna sausages (8.31 pounds in ten minutes), eggs (65 in 6 minutes and 40 seconds, Cool Hand Luke would be proud), and grits (21 pounds in ten minutes "Were these magic grits?"), I was shocked and disappointed to find out no one has stepped up to the table and set the bar in competitive cole slaw eating. This does however open the door for a great Press Row onsite broadcast event. "ESPN Radio, Press Row, Wally's, and Gluttony Anonymous present the First Annual Coleslaw Consumption Fest. Come by and take your shot today from 1-3!"
I would just like to point out that there are not many things that I would NOT do for 10 G's these days. Eating my body weight in hot dogs doesnt even register on my "maybe this isnt the best idea" scale and the things that I would not do arent exactly Family Oriented Interweb Based Column friendly. My decision making abilities dont allow me to live by the "would I do this in front of my grandma" standard.
The Hot Dog eating competition is kind of the Masters of competitive eating. Historic landmark, long standing traditions, nationally televised. The competition that I really want to see are the ones where they have to eat 10 yards of various foods and one of the sections is like 3 feet of wasabi. Sweet baby Jeebus....the horror...
69 hot dogs! Nothing says America like televised gluttony. Way to go Joey Chestnut. You matched my lifetime consumption of hot dogs record in 10 minutes.
No tattoos yesterday. Just red, white, and blue PBR ('Merica) and as little movement as possible. I like to make my internal organs do all the work. While I loved "celebrate the Fourth with a fifth", Lady Todd and I voted to outlaw liquor in my system a few years back because I was losing too many good pairs of pants and the lyrics below were becoming too fitting too often. I also had trouble with the theory that just because you bought the bottle that night didn't necessarily mean that you had to finish the bottle that night. Debateable, but alas, we stick to cervezas.
"Woke up with a headache from the night before, cause sometimes I drink, woke up with my head in the toilet bowl, it's where I like to think."
Celebrate the Fourth with a fifth? How is this not the national motto for this holiday already? How have I never heard or thought of this before? You, sir, inspire people. Good show. To the liquor store!
With a decade of Mocs football records in mind, I think they are as likely to go 11-1 as they are 12-0. Having said that, I dont think Sabans got it this year. They seem weak. We've got 'em right where we want 'em. Mocs in the upset. Did you know they start serving beer in airports at 7?
I hope the Reds are taking full advantage of the fact that they have someone named Homer on their team. When Bailey strikes out someone they need to play the Homer D'oh sound clip immediately followed by the Nelson Haha sound clip. It would bring me great joy to find out that this is already in place.
I am beginning to get the vibe that A-A-Ron might have been a serial killer. What were his whereabouts when Hoffa went missing? Have we questioned him regarding the disappearance?
Anyone that has the capacity to put that many hot dogs in their mouth would make a good wife.
The baby incident was the first thing I had seen in a bar that caught me off guard in a very long time. The people at our table with their backs to it didnt believe me and we were entirely too close to have people turning around to admire. "Hey nice milk sack. You know youre in a bar, right? Yes? Ok, I guess its just that kind of party." Our chances of trivia triumph plummeted drastically following the viewing of the second feeding. Normally I encourage such willingness of exposure but the suckling threw me for a loop. I was waiting for her to notice my bewilderment and drop the "its natural, get over it" line because I was going to explain how it was also natural for my huevos to itch, but I wasnt fixing to flop them on the corner of the table and scratch them with a fork.
If tennis operates like golf, as in the stars drive the ratings, then this Wimbledon is in deep shat if Murray or the Joker get beat. Dont see a lot viewers tuning in for a 11th vs 39th seed final.
Fax machines... "PC Load Letter? What the frik does that mean?" I would say by the time there are cognitive little Todds running around, (God help us.....) that they will have no idea what coins and possibly paper cash is. Electronic currency is the way of the future and likely its demise. How will I buy warm beer with my e-credits after the EMP blast?
I can only imagine how many strongly worded emails you received this morning(hundreds I assume) regarding your omissions of Groundkeeper Willie and Bert (from the famed duo Bert and Ernie) on the good times of unibrows. I can understand their beef. Those two fellas faced some tough years of ridicule while dealing with the mustache migration. The least we could do is give the fellas that paved the way a tip of the hat for their efforts to bring this new found fad to the forefront of today's culture scene. They're on the Monobrow Rushmore for sure.
The Confed Cup is like an invitational or exhibition of sorts, unless my memory fails me. I think it is the top team from each FIFA Continental Division and they come together as a hype up or tuner for the World Cup. No actual relevance or significance for anything, which makes their reaction even more frightening.
The Brazilian passion for soccer is what I could only describe as mental. Imagine how much you love your child and what you would do for it and that is how they feel about a game. It will be interesting to see how well Brazil plays host for the World Cup next year. Lets hope they win or get knocked out with no controversy. Because what happens when a stadium of 200,000 maniacs that has been waiting a lifetime for this moment turns on you? I have visions of the promos for World War Z, a sea of green and yellow clad people turning over buses and raining havoc down, the likes of which we have never seen. Should be awesome either way.
If I recall minding your P's and Q's has something to do with pints and quarts, as in dont drink four pints of liquor or eight quarts of beer and go make a doofus out of yourself. Minding your P's and Q's, eh? I could have just made all that up of course.
Nicely done as usual. Could have swore "Murder was the case" would have been incorporated at some point throughout the A-A-Ron bit but Snoop Lion doesnt carry the clout that he once did amongst true gangstas.
Pet peeve of the sports talk shows and interweb based column world: RJ Bell claiming to be every media outlet's "friend of the show". Jay, dont you see he is trying to force himself onto you. You need to keep your distance from that guy. He gives me a creepy vibe.
If MLB and the steroid scandal were a gangster movie it would like be The Departed with specific emphasis on the last five minutes, which is basically a "head-shot" montage. They are all likely guilty, are going to turn on each other at some point, and everybody is going down one way or another. They're rats, the whole lot of them.
9er, that was on my list of possibilities. The police granted the public the decency not to be exposed to such criminal nipples and lacked the decency to allow him to properly put on a shirt before hauling him off. My other theory was he had written some sort of message on his chest or back such as "Free A-A-Ron!" or "I'm with stupid -->" or "Save me Tim Tebow!" All very plausible possibilities...
My first TFP paper arrived in the driveway this morning. They even called to confirm its arrival. If they got themselves a decent sports editor they'd have a well oiled machine going over there. Jokes.
I think you could argue that the mother of all cuss words is no longer the f bomb. It has almost blended into common society as an acceptable adjective. Now you drop a see you next tuesday on somebody and heads begin to melt. The f bomb just doesnt turn heads like it once did.
So, A-A-Ron Hernandez was arrested this morning. Few quick questions, one, why were his arms not in the sleeves of his shirt. I have had a few pairs of handcuffs brush my wrists briefly(if their scare tactic of handcuffing you occurs two or more times, has it lost its effectiveness?) but never recall being sleeveless as one of the requirements. Two, did this jack wagon really think he was going to get away with everything by destroying his phone and security system. Theres a dead guy up the street with contact to you all over him, dont you think they might bring up any of that? Of course if you are dumb enough to commit the acts, you likely arent going to have the sense to foresee the consequences. They havent stated if he was arrested as a suspect or for just plain dumbassery, but one of those is going come back as a sure fire guilty verdict. Andddd....the Patriots released him this morning in an attempt to distance themselves from the train wreck. Shocker.