"Harry, you'll find no gold or crystal at my little church, which gave groceries and listening ears to 46 needy families yesterday."

Thanks for your small church. Often, the smaller the church, the larger the heart.

If the churches of Hamilton County would do their proclaimed "Christian Duty"; if another "Six Flags Over Jesus" church, emporium and coffee house could do without another jumbo-tron and inside basketball court; if churches declared that helping their neighbor was as important as the preacher's big car, toupees, and pinky rings; if churches placed the emphasis on taking care of their "own" rather than "Tours to the Holy Land" complete with deluxe accommodations and a plastic baby Jesus complete with Three wise-men in 18kt gold, "Last Supper" dinner plates and glow-in-the-dark praying hands; if preachers would say, "Help the homeless" instead of selling Crystal Cathedrals, high-dollar prayer cloths and holy water from the tap for mega-bucks so the preacher can wear a Rolex and live a rich lifestyle, and be on television preaching the "prosperity gospel" (as long as they're the ones prospering).

But then, that's not going to happen.

Ben Franklin said, "Lighthouses are more helpful than churches."

Old Ben was right again.

UBS trader Kweku Adoboli--the next Treasury Secretary or Federal Reserve Chairman.

Or Mayor Littlefield's "Tote-the-Note" financial advisor.

"I will search every home, every office, every school to see if anyone has criticized you,"

That's called The Patriot Act.

"(People) still have faith in their Constitution."

But damn little faith in most Authority Enforcers, DAs, judges, Congress, and presidents who ignore it.

"Zach Wamp, Witnessed: Jeremy Shaver & Brad Vance"

Great to see Wacky-Zach playing Goofy Golf and that there were witnesses. Otherwise, who'd believe him?

Zach shot through the "Term-Limits" windmill, past the "Bailout" sand-trap, and into the "C Street" holy hole.

But considering Zach's veracity, I'd prefer seeing it on video.

Can you imagine the chaos if she'd been eating bananas?

Four hours, three searches, two moldy bananas — government efficiency at its best.

Perhaps a new Cabinet position and a billion dollars for "Department of Spoiled Fruit."

Imagine if these specialists had passed the bathroom on burrito night.

Make sure the Morgans are out of jail for Sunday Service. Their sermon is, "The day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, but not if we get there first."

"As for what caused the sore throats, Memorial spokesman Brian Lazenby said no official explanation has been determined, and all employees have been released from the emergency room. "

Hysteria and a chance at the "Disability/Workman's Comp Wheel of Fortune.

"Whom do you trust these days?"

Not pastors who drive expensive cars, live in new mansions, have a church that looks like "Six Flags Over Jesus", steal from others, and defend thieves.