As a lesbian with a wife and two kids, I do not hate ex-gays! I pity those who are lying to themselves. But I cannot look into their hearts and tell what is truth for them. I DO know that if they are finally happy who am I to deny them that?
I gave up caring whether I "chose" my orientation in childhood or not. Homosexuality has exists in nature.
The argument boils down to religion, as usual, and whether you believe in dogma. I do not know if there is a god but I can tell you the worst thing that came from my being gay, the worst that was done to me was at the hands of my Christian family.
At the heart of this discussion are two factions fearing that the acceptance of one side or the other will bolster the damage done. Christians who do not turn the other cheek to it, fear their children will be corrupted. Homosexuals who protest the ex-gay movement fear the suicides that come from denying a central characteristic.
But to both, you've got to say, what will be, will be. Only the strong survive in this world. Let your friends and family chose their own path. All you have to do is love them.