Hey, summer's almost over, and it's time to stop blocking out current events along with horrendous weather reports. Quite a lot's been going on. Let's see what you noticed.
1. June started out on an unpromising note for Donald Trump, when he was arraigned on a 37-count federal indictment in Miami. However, Trump tried to give the day a brighter spin by visiting a Cuban restaurant, promising to buy "food for everyone." And then ...
A. Recommending the ham roll-ups.
B. Describing ropa vieja as "that thing you catch cows with."
C. Leaving without paying the bill.
2. Sen. Tommy Tuberville of Alabama has been holding up hundreds of pending military promotions because he's upset about ...
A. An excess number of generals.
B. Abortion.
C. Conflicting policies on Ukraine.
3. President Biden spoke at a gun-safety event in Connecticut, ending his remarks with ...
A. "No harm, disarm."
B. "You know, Hartford so reminds me of London."
C. "God save the queen, man."
4. Biden's dog Commander made headlines when he ...
A. Ate up all the eggs before the White House Easter egg roll.
B. Bit Secret Service agents 10 times over four months.
C. Signed a contract to write a tell-all memoir called "Barking for the Bidens."
5. Republicans are obsessed with Hunter Biden. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy just announced an inquiry into ...
A. Hunter's worst grades in college.
B. Other stuff Congress might get done instead of pursuing this forever.
C. Impeaching Joe Biden for ... fatherhood.
6. Campaigning at the Iowa State Fair, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. continued his anti-vaccine message. While the non-inoculated Kennedy did catch COVID himself, he told an interviewer it ...
A. "Was something I offered up in repentance for saying Anthony Fauci was orchestrating 'fascism.'"
B. "Didn't stop me from skiing."
C. "Gave me time to do some serious reading — have you ever heard of 'War and Peace'?"
7. There isn't much talk about challenging Biden's renomination on the Democratic side. But Sen. Joe Manchin did announce, "If I get in a race, I'm going to win." And then added ...
A. "I'll be announcing soon."
B. "I haven't made a decision."
C. "I'm going to put first things first and finish work on my new self-help book, "Ways to Make Money by Screwing Up the Environment.'"
8. Do you think anybody had a worse summer than Rudy Giuliani? He's reportedly begged Trump for financial assistance, and Trump is said to have responded ...
A. Without enthusiasm.
B. With an open checkbook.
C. By offering Rudy a job supervising the dry-cleaning operation at Mar-a-Lago.
9. Well, Trump himself probably beat Rudy in the Bummer Summer sweepstakes. Our former president's appearance for booking on multiple criminal charges in Georgia was certainly a moment for the history books. The Trump team responded by ...
A. Encouraging the former president to keep comparing himself to Abraham Lincoln.
B. Sponsoring a panel discussion on the meaning of the moment, featuring several distinguished professors of constitutional law.
C. Selling a whole new line of products featuring his mug shot.
10. Among the many, many charges pending against Trump are ...
A. Plotting to assassinate a flock of dolphins frolicking near Mar-a-Lago.
B. Conspiring to disenfranchise millions of Americans.
C. Golf cart speeding.
11. Trump announced his final fundraising goal for August would be $2,313,827 in honor of ...
A. The booking number of his mug shot.
B. The sum the New York attorney general says he inflated his wealth by on one Tuesday.
C. The amount his associates stole from donors who thought they were contributing to build a wall along the Mexico border.
ANSWERS: 1-C; 2-B; 3-C; 4-B; 5-C; 6-B; 7-B; 8-A; 9-C; 10-B; 11-A