Where do we start. Buckets, where do we start.
Should we start with the amazing "Yellowstone" season finale? Buckets, it was excellent.
Egg-C-lent.
Should we discuss the greatness that is finding a classic on the higher channels of your cable dial and what that means? For us, pre-"Yellowstone," it was "O Brother, Where Art Thou," and that one is high on the shortlist of under-quoted excellent feature films.
Egg-C-lent.
In fact, we believe we owe that movie the chance to kick off our Thursday football extra-ganza that is quote-based with a classic. Deal? Deal.
Without further ado, let's get to it, because "I don't mean to be telling tales out of school but there's a fella in there that will pay you $10 to sing in his can."
Fab 4 (times 3) picks
And to kick it off in true "O Brother, Where Art Thou" style, let's quote Everett with a perfect line for what we are trying to do: "The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers. Now, clearly seeing into the future would fall neatly into that category."
OK, Zero Week officially turned out to be a zero for our college picks. (That said, in the mailbag we offered the over 72 in Arizona-Hawaii, and I think that should count. But, it is what it is.)
This is a chance to get off to a quick start - or blow a sizable chunk of your bankroll - and in a lot of ways college game day pickers have to view this the same way as college game day players.
Read your keys. Know your role. Take advantage of your opportunities.
With that, and with our coaches' clichés overflowing, Week 1. We're glad to hit someone else. We're excited to represent our selves, our team and our school. We know that ever game matters and that the process is every bit as important as the destination.
Aight? Aight.
We made it baby. We made it. And since there are so many games on so many days, we feel the need to add a few extra picks across the weekend.
Tonight
Clemson minus-22 in the first half tonight. I know some folks who made a lot of entertainment last year betting on Alabama to cover the first half spread. (For those wondering what that is, Vegas sets a first-half spread, and Alabama was nearly impossible to properly handicap because if the Tide was laying 30, you would think a halftime line would be around 16 or 17. Well, Alabama would be up 28-plus at the break and then let off the gas, which made for uneasiness for entertainment seekers in the second half. We are going to put the same logic into effect for Clemson this year, and lay the 22 in the first two quarters and count your entertainment when it's 35-0 at halftime.
BYU-Utah under the 48.5. "Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated." This rivalry - The Holy War, which is a great name - may be the most intense one you do not know about. Translation: High stakes for an opener. This total opened at 57.5, and for those of us who jumped on that entertainment early, well, thank you. It has dropped a ton - and likely will continue to drop - but here's the deal: Utah is very good defensively and runs it. BYU is good defensively and runs it.
Friday
Army minus-20.5 against Rice. "Lots of respectable people have been hit by trains." As Everett's wife (Holly Hunter) tells him, we want to be that respectable type who finds a go-to each week. Last year it was betting on Syracuse and betting against Louisville. This year, two of our contenders - betting on Army and against a very sketchy Rice bunch - are in the same game. Plus, and we have made entertainment on this in bowl games: You know what you are going to get with the service academies in terms of effort and focus. And if you can't get behind Army, then you simply do not love your country. #Merica.
Wake Forest minus-3 over Utah State. "I had to be up at that crossroad last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil." Can you think of a bigger testament to having skin in the game than watching Utah State and Wake Forest? On a Friday night? Tough trip on a Friday for the Utah State folks. That's part of it, but not a big part of it considering that this is the season opener after all. (Buy the half, of course, because that's who we are and what we do.)
Saturday
Georgia minus-20.5 at Vanderbilt over 57.5. "No, the treasure's still there boys, believe me." Everett's pledge to his cohorts rings true for a Georgia team that is as talented as any in the country, Alabama and Clemson included. Vandy has three NFL players at the skill positions. That's the good news. And that's all the good news they can offer. Georgia has NFL players at every position, especially across the offensive line. Now remember that this is a conference game and Georgia will only take 70 scholarship players, and about 65 of them are better than their counterparts on the other side.
USC minus-13 against Fresno State. "Damn. We're in a tight spot." Everett's lament is Clay Helton's reality. The hottest seat in the country cannot afford a slow start against an in-state lesser program that is rebuilding on the field and in the coaches' booths. USC new coordinator Graham Harrell's offense has had an entire offseason to dazzle in its debut. Now add in all the negativity that Helton and USC has heard all summer as well as a monster talent edge at every position. I think USC is either going to a) be a total disaster or b) a total surprise. Yes, Helton has struggled in openers, but the pressure makes me think Helton's bunch is going to be motivated.
Ole Miss plus-6 over Memphis. "That's not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed." Memphis lost all-world running back Darrell Henderson, who is in the NFL. Yes, the Rebels lost a slew of NFL dudes at wide receiver. But the biggest additions in this one may be the coordinators Matt Luke added in Rich Rodriquez and Mike McEntyre. Here are a couple of other things: Ole Miss is out of bowl timeout, and if they are going to have any shot to get there they need this one. Two, ask yourself who has better players, because almost every kid on Memphis' roster would have accepted an Ole Miss offer if he had one.
South Carolina minus-9.5 against North Carolina and under 63.5. "I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward." The Blind Seer could be talking directly to Mack Brown as the verbena returned to Chapel Hill and an empty cupboard. The seer also could be talking to Will Muschamp, who is facing a "Get it done" kind of season or he will be the most coveted name on the defensive coordinator carousel in four months.
Northwestern plus-7 over Stanford. "OK, I'm with you fellas." As Delmar rightly said as the boys were escaping from the chain gang, we are onboard with Pat Fitzgerald as one of the best coaches in the game. Did you know that Fitzgerald has never had a player drafted in the first three rounds and still has Northwestern playing at its best in program history? Now comes five-star QB and Clemson transfer Hunter Thompson. Yes, regulars around these parts are likely looking around and saying, "What?" One final research tidbit: Northwestern and Fitzgerald have covered 10 straight as road 'dogs with eight outright wins.
Toledo plus-12 over Kentucky. "Ain't nobody gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitchhikers, and one of them a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut." As Pete told Everett, I am sure Chas will remind me come Monday if his Wildcats roll. I think UK will find a way to win the opener, but with all those holes to fill, especially with those defensive professionals, I think this is a one-score game. Research alert: Did you know in their last 10 games as a home favorite, the 'Cats are 0-10 against the spread?
Michigan minus-33 against MTSU. "This stew's awful good. You think so? I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday... I'm afraid she's startin' to turn." The numbers point to a 63-3 drubbing. Consider the following. MTSU returned one offensive line starter and lost four-year starting QB Brent Stockstill. Michigan has been thinking about the bowl debacle for seven-plus months. Michigan returns five starters on its offensive line. Now remember all the background noise Michigan has heard all offseason and know that Michigan will go three- or four-deep, including at quarterback, that is huge strides better than anything MTSU can offer.
This year against the spread: 0-1 (0 percent).
Last year against the spread: 75-50-4 (60 percent).
All-time (since start of the 2011 season) against the spread: 479-306-9 (61.2 percent).
College football items of interest
"Pa always said, 'Never trust a Hogwallop!'"
Am I the only one who feels like this is Christmas? And yes, I know that the season is long and you have to trust it (copyright Crash Davis, 1988) but giddy-up.
Heck, it even felt autumn-ish this morning, didn't it?
How about some tidbits for some of the area teams of interest? Deal? Deal.
> Has anyone had a better week than Jeremy Pruitt? Sure it started pretty stinky with that whole "Freshman All-American cornerback threatening to shoot up the school and all." But to get your best defensive lineman cleared by the NCAA and your best offensive lineman cleared by the medical staff in about 30 hours allowed Tennessee to add dudes to its two biggest positions of need. Good times. Aights for everyone.
> I am fascinated by what Georgia Tech will look like tonight. Lucas Johnson has never thrown a pass, and he's going to start at quarterback for the Jackets. Against the best team in the country. In one of the hardest places to play in the country. With the best quarterback in the country on the other side. I've made a pick on this one, and think it will get ugly, but I am curious as to what Tech and Geoff Collins will be tonight and for the rest of the fall.
> Heck, this is a monster weekend that cannot be overstated for the Pac-12. UCLA is a road underdog at Cincinnati tonight. We all know about the Oregon test against Auburn. We covered the USC opener above, and the weight it carries for Clay Helton. There is the likelihood that Oregon State gets hammered against Oklahoma State. Which leaves a monster question for the team a lot of folks think is the favorite in that division, and tonight we will find out if Utah is for real. Yes, that question seems silly heading into Week 1, but the Utes have a lot to love about their roster. A great defensive line, a big-time running back, one of the game's best coaches (even if you don't remember it's Kyle Willingham), all point to Utah. But how bad a draw is Utah with all its monster hopes in the Pac-12 getting a road test as close to a TD favorite at its most-hated rival in BYU? Yes, Oregon-Auburn may be the Week 1 game with the most on the line, but Utah-BYU will be the game with the most emotionally invested.
> Oregon-Auburn. Hide the women and children. OK, we are watching this one with a huge contingent of AU folks, and some of them, shall we say, do not take struggles well. Yes, we are scared to ever-living death about this one in just about every way imaginable. Nevermind the fact it's a night game and the folks at our shindig will likely be good and lathered by kickoff. Truth is, Auburn's strength (it's defensive front) goes against Oregon's strength (its offensive front) and the Ducks have a huge edge at quarterback (senior top-10 NFL pick with a slew of experience vs. five-star dude making his first start). All signs point to the Ducks, especially with the 3.5 points to boot. A loss Saturday night, and, well, just say a silent prayer for wherever I may by.
> FSU rebounds. Almost made this one of my picks, but sweet buckets, we already made the Fab 4 into a Dynamite Baker's Dozen, you know? But I think Florida State is one of the best over win totals on the board - it's still right around 7 at most shops - and that the 'Noles still have a lot more talent on their roster than everyone they play with the exception of Clemson and Florida and maybe Miami.
> For Fat Vader, I believe LSU wins rather easily, but be careful laying the 28.5. Here are some thoughts, my man. LSU has Texas next week, so yes, this has the chance to be the ultimately rare Week 1, lookahead trap game. You have to think LSU is going to be totally vanilla offensively and be completely content to walk away 35-14. Also, research alert - don't get spoiled - in nonconference games as a 17-point-or-greater favorite, Ed Orgeron is 0-7 against the spread. Just the facts, man.
> How big is tonight's debut for UTC and Rusty Wright? What's the over/under on the crowd? Predictions other than Clubber Lang's "pain" of course.
NFL Preseason projections
Well, as Homer Stokes asked, "Is you is, or is you ain't, my constituency?"
And yes, we are picks heavy and bullet-point happy today, aren't we? So it goes, and we have to finish because at 15-5 against the number, well, as Delmar said after being saved, "Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now! C'mon in boys, the water is fine."
Those NFL junkies looking for the three guys that are going to fill out the roster of their favorite team will be glued to tonight's full slate of preseason finales.
Those NFL junkies looking for offense, well, they need to turn away.
Did you see the point totals for the games tonight? Exactly one game (Miami at New Orleans) has an over/under north of 35 and that total is an anything-but-lofty 37.
Pittsburgh minus-4 over Carolina. Why? Why not. Seriously, Carolina will play no one. Well, no one will play no one, but Carolina will play even more no ones. Or is it less no ones? Whatever. Trust the process.
Jacksonville minus-3 over Atlanta. Why, because sometimes you just ride the train until it ends, good or bad.
Denver-Arizona under 34. In a game only a mother could love.
Houston minus-2.5 over L.A. Rams. read the blurb on the Falcons. Ditto.
This and that
- Braves played. Braves won. The club will take tonight off as we all welcome football back into our conversations.
- It's hard to remember being more excited for a movie than the anticipation we have for "Joker" with Joaquin Phoenix, right?
- Let's go ahead and offer Leonard Fournette's son an Auburn scholarship, Coach Malzahn. Please. Watch this highlight.
Today's questions
Happy football, everyone.
Fire away with your questions, We are wicked late this morning because of the avalanche of football stuff.
On Aug. 29, wow, it's been 14 years since Hurricane Katrina hit on this day in 2005.
"The Fugitive's" final episode aired on this day in 1967.
Rushmore of best movies that were TV shows first. Go, and remember the mailbag.