Eddie McCraryOnce, couples sipped sodas and canoodled on porch swings. Today, dates begin and end via text message. Singles search for soul mates on websites like Match.com, attend speed-dating parties, and troll Facebook for romance. "It's all about Facebook," says Caroline Dale, 20, a University of Tennessee at Chattanooga student.
"Dating is like what going steady was in the '50s," adds UTC sociologist Tom Buchanan. In "Hooking Up, Hanging Out and Hoping for Mr. Right," a celebrated 2000 study by the Institute for American Values, authors discovered that college dating had swirled away with the poodle skirt.
Coeds now dally on the marriage path, preferring commitment-free liaisons consisting of almost anything from holding hands to sex. Young people aren't promiscuous, notes Buchanan. "They're just waiting longer to get married." Undergraduates go on to graduate school. Women may focus first on career, then motherhood. More students are deferring courtship until the time is right, he says.
Local singles including Eddie McCrary, 34, manager of Big River Grille, enjoy biking, kayaking, strolling along the Riverwalk and congregating at fashionable eateries like Alleia or the Tremont Tavern. What singles don't enjoy, says McCrary, is pairing up for tête-à-têtes at tables for two. Formal dating is taking a backseat to communal gatherings. "There's so much pressure on a date," he explains. "With a group of friends, you're more relaxed and you can get to know people a little bit better."
Collegiates especially prefer tribes to twosomes, adds UTC's Panhellenic Council President Patti Phillips. "People like to hang out at fraternity houses or go to Amigos for cheap tacos."
At the other end of the courtship cycle, following death or divorce, older singles often hang out, too. "I'm not sure people even date anymore," says Mimi Hooker, a 63-year-old Signal Mountain single. Through a program at the First-Centenary United Methodist Church, Hooker and friends dine out, listen to music and dance. Many members feel "burned" or broken-hearted but the group activities dial down the pressure for bar hookups, Internet mating and one-on-one dates. "You develop friendships and close camaraderie," she explains. "Sometimes it develops into something more, sometimes it doesn't."
With the arrival of new industry, emigrating professionals also turn to singles groups for companionship. Upon moving to Chattanooga from Indianapolis a few years ago, Lou Profeta, 58, believed it was tough to find a date and tougher to make friends. An analyst programmer for BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee, he missed the big city social swirl.
"Chattanooga wasn't exactly a nirvana for single people," he recalls. He rarely met single Jewish women. Christian women balked at cross-religious dating and too many women were married. So Profeta, who found his sweetheart online, founded the "All About Friends and Chattanooga Dining Out" group on Meetup.com.
Its members enjoy getting together until a dating opportunity emerges. "It gets me out of the house," says Profeta. "I meet people and make good friends." Free dating sites Plentyoffish.com and Singlesnet.com also attract many local profile posters.
Seniors often hang out in groups - not to find pals, but because they didn't find dates. "I'm still in the field for Mr. Right," quips Judy Elsea, 54, a Chattanooga nurse practitioner. "But if he doesn't appear, I'm OK with it."
Like many of her peers, Elsea stays active. She foxtrots at The Palms, cares for a granddaughter, dines with girlfriends, and loves to compete in Pro-Am ballroom dances. "It's tough to date at my age," she says. "People are either married or their lives are full. Buddying up makes sense since good dates are about as rare as rubies in a bag of red marbles."