Let's be honest. Men haven't always had the best track record when it comes to self-care.
For many among our population, the term conjures up images of lavender-scented bubble baths complete with fluffy pink robes and cucumber face masks - a scene no red-blooded American fella would hope to find himself in should his drinking buddies pop by unexpectedly before the big game.
Despite their effeminate perception, however, self-care routines such as spa treatments are about far more than being pampered. Scheduling a bit of "me time" to relax and keep yourself looking sharp can reduce stress while boosting confidence, at least according to the mostly female advocates publicly touting its benefits.
Similarly, the staff of Chatter Magazine is mostly female, so naturally the "male pampering" story fell to me. Dutifully, I headed out to The Woodhouse Day Spa in Warehouse Row to see what all the fuss was about.
While the temptation to get a therapeutic hot-stone massage and hot-towel facial on company time was enticing, I decided to start simple by booking a "Gentleman's Manicure" - which, ironically, is something my mother has been threatening to make me do since I was a teenager.
Strange as it may sound, I was actually born without fingernails, and I often joke that I've been trying to get rid of them since the moment they grew in. I nibble on them when I'm nervous, pick at them when I'm writing, and tear into the surrounding skin when there's no nail left to gnaw.
My shredded digits are my greatest shame. I hide them in my pockets or under my notebook while interviewing sources.
Nail technician and lead aesthetician Brandi Ezell gives Myron Madden a manicure at The Woodhouse Day Spa in Warehouse Row.Burdened with the task of repairing that damage was Brandi Ezell, lead nail tech at The Woodhouse Spa. Luckily, she'd seen worse - though, barely.
"These are nubs!" Ezell laughed after a quick examination of my fingertips. "You're giving me a major challenge, because I had a 10-year-old with bigger nail beds."
My nerves quelled as I smiled at her assessment, but joke as she may, it was clear that tackling my disfigured nails was not outside her realm of expertise. Draping a warm pillow around my neck (to help me relax, I presumed), Ezell quickly got to work, walking me through her process step by step.
"I'm gonna try to file them just to make them a little more even," she said. "Then we're going to put a little bit of cuticle softener so I can push your cuticles back."
"Um what are cuticles?" I asked as our photographer, Doug Strickland, judged me silently from a distance. I noticed that his fingernails were all perfectly unblemished.
Ezell pointed to the shredded layers of skin taking up space at the base of my nails. I never truly realized how unkempt the damaged waxy film made my hand look until she had finished scraping them from each finger with a cuticle pusher.
I watched intently as Ezell then soaked and filed my nails, and as the conversation shifted to my story about male pampering, the nail technician let me in on a little secret:
"Men love pedicures," she said, comparing the experience to unwinding in a warm bath - or, for the more masculine among us, a hot Jacuzzi. "I'm not a man, but from what I know, they just enjoy having their feet soaked and rubbed on."
The thought of bubbling jets drumming on my aching soles lulled me into a state of relaxation, and even Strickland seemed intrigued, though my motorcycle-riding colleague wasn't sold just yet.
Brandi Ezell pushes Myron Madden's cuticles back during his manicure."I probably wouldn't go out and get one, but I wouldn't say no if it were offered to me," Strickland chuckled from behind his camera. "It's just not something that I would want to spend money on."
It was a fair point. So what does motivate local men to treat themselves at Woodhouse Spa?
According to Ezell, their motives have varied. Her most recent first-timer came in to get his feet spiffed up because his new girlfriend loved sandals. Several of her elderly regulars come in because straining to reach their toenails for upkeep has become a hassle.
In most cases, however, the motivation for men is exactly the same as it is for women: They want to look and feel good.
"Most of the guys we get, you get 'em in here one time and they're addicted to it," said Ezell.
The biggest impediment to men taking that first step, she's found, is the assumption that they'll be the only man to step foot inside the spa.
"It's just a matter of getting that out of their mind, because we have multiple men that come in here," Ezell said as she massaged my hands with warm agave oil to soften the coarse skin surrounding my nails.
I had already counted two who had strolled past our room en route to other areas of the day spa for their designated treatments. Just as I began to respond, however, Ezell wrapped a warm towel around my right forearm, so soothing that it made all further inquiries disappear. When I re-emerged the relaxation coma a few seconds later, Ezell was suggesting oils, creams and trimming techniques I could use to keep my fingertips from returning to their former state of disaster.
Then, Ezell unwrapped the towel. I looked down to find my ravaged, uneven fingernails looking smooth, clean, and more aligned than I could ever remember seeing them. Thanks to the oils and hand massage, even the shredded skin on my fingers felt less painful.
"They're so nice right now," I heard myself saying in a daze on the recording later. "This is the nicest my nails have ever looked."
But along with that awe came the familiar temptation.
"You're looking at 'em," Ezell laughed. "I know you're going to go to the car and the first thing you're going to do is start biting away."
She wasn't wrong. The nibbling began before I even reached the parking lot. But with far less blemishes to nitpick, and armed with self-care tips to keep my digits looking impressive, I found myself with no reasons to hide my hands for the two weeks that followed.
Just as the advocates had predicted, the appointment had left me with one less thing to stress about each day, and a surprising heap of newfound confidence.
The best part was knowing that I can return to Woodhouse or any local nail salon every six to eight weeks to outsource maintenance to the professionals once I fell off the wagon. Because, let's face it, men haven't always had the best track record when it comes to self-care.
And for this nail-biter, old habits die hard.