When a man was shot to death, Marvin Roseberry's four kids were only a few feet away.
"He fell right behind me," says 12-year-old Marnaysha.
It was last July, so 10-year-old Maliyah thought the gunshots were fireworks.
Just a few weeks ago, another man was shot to death in the building next to theirs in the Bayberry Apartments complex just off Dodson Avenue.
"Anybody would want to do better and get away from here. I want my kids to be in a better neighborhood," Roseberry says.
The 48-year-old is trying - hard - to move. As a single dad raising four kids ages 6-12, he wants to live in a house, like he and his kids used to live in before he and his ex-wife split up and she unexpectedly gave him sole custody of the children about three years ago. For now, though, the goal of a safer home is blocked by his financial situation, which includes subsidized housing and food stamps.
"I won't say the people here are bad, but there are people coming in here who cause situations," Roseberry says.
While the percentage of single-father households nationwide is small, about 4.35% in 2017, that number was an even-tinier 1% in 1960, according to statistics from the nonprofit Institute for Family Studies. In 2017, the U.S. population was about 324 million, so in hard numbers, that means single fathers headed about 14 million households.
Roseberry, the breadwinner for Marnaysha, 12, Maliyah, 10, Mariyah, 9, and Christian, 6, says he's always respected mothers in general and single mothers especially, but that respect has skyrocketed since he became a single parent.
"I didn't know how much is involved. Sometimes you get tired," he admits as his children bustle and chatter around him, stringing shiny gold garland around the small, plastic Christmas tree in their living room, opening boxes to pull out ornaments and holding up their favorites for everyone to see.
The horrific danger of where they live is not the norm for single fathers, although lack of money is not unusual. Learning how to juggle life's priorities is the norm, and it comes with a steep learning curve.
"A lot of it is a combination of balancing work with the complexities of child-rearing, and that's everything from getting the homework done to dealing with sibling rivalries to making sure there's enough money," says Reggie Madison, who works with some single fathers as program director at First Things First, the family-oriented nonprofit in Chattanooga. "I always say that, even if it's moms, no one is born knowing how to raise a child. You figure it out as you go.
"You're not trying to be both parents," Madison adds. "Being mom and dad is just non-existent. Be the best version you can. You've got to be the best you."
Brandon Cooper says single dads must understand the difference between "the hard worlds and soft worlds."
"Hard worlds are providing transportation, child care, taking care of the bills, taking them to the doctor. Soft worlds are the nurturing, the discipline, the guidance, discovering what you know and understand about your child's makeup, the lessons that you teach them," says Cooper, fatherhood specialist at Baby University, which provides free mentoring, resource referral, education and support to expectant mothers and fathers.
Sean O'Connor sits alongside his son, Cason, at their home in Chattanooga. / Staff photo by Tim BarberSean O'Connor has made a continuous effort to balance the two worlds since being granted full legal custody of his son, Cason, three years ago.
"Dads are seen as the disciplinarian and not the nurturer, so I try to be more proactive in that area," says the 35-year-old single father.
That means taking time to just hang out together, going to Nightfall or Coolidge Park or the Chattanooga Market. It means talking to Cason, now 10 years old, when the boy is doing his homework in the kitchen's breakfast nook and O'Connor is making dinner.
Mostly, though, it's telling and showing his son that he's loved.
"I think that society in general assumes that, in a custody situation, it should be the mother who gets the child," he says. "Both moms and dads are capable in my opinion, but obviously I'm a little biased in that opinion."
Going from Tupac to Winnie-the-Pooh
Death of the mother is one reason that dads suddenly become both dad and mom - and perhaps one of the most common misconceptions when it comes to single-fatherhood, says Madison. More often, the mother is in jail or in drug rehab or ordered by the court to turn over the children, he says. And sometimes, like in Roseberry's case, she simply gives them to the father because she doesn't want to deal with them anymore.
Shaun Davis is one of the fathers who became a single dad after his children's mother died of cardiac arrest in July 2017. He is now raising 4-year-old Ja'rya and 3-year-old Janalle. Things are far more complicated, however, because Janalle has cerebral palsy.
The main thing he's learned as a single dad?
"Patience. ... It's going from 100 miles in one direction then hitting the brakes and going 100 miles in the other."
On the day of our interview, Davis couldn't make it 10 miles an hour in any direction. He's terribly sick, with a voice so thick and scratchy that it's sometimes hard to understand him. His conversation is often interrupted by explosive, meaty coughing.
Day-to-day, he has home nursing care for Janalle and one of his cousins is a reliable turn-to whenever he needs assistance, but Davis doesn't have time to "mull over" the difficulties of being a single dad. He does realize, however, that he's something of a rare species.
"It's like being a unicorn; you hear about it, but you don't see it," he says. "I'm the only one I know."
Besides being something of a mythical beast, Davis now sees himself in another light, says Cooper, who works with Davis through Baby University's support services.
"He told he used to be [rapper] Tupac. Now he's Winnie-the-Pooh."
The Learning Curve
Like Davis, having a cousin or someone else who can take the load off or carry some of it from time to time is invaluable. In O'Connor's case, his parents and brother live in Chattanooga, so he can depend on them to step in at a moment's notice when things inevitably come up and throw schedules off balance. His work as a pharmaceutical salesman also can take him out of town.
"It was a little overwhelming in the beginning, for sure," he recalls. "My job requires a lot of travel and I was thinking, 'How am I ever going to be able to pull this off?'
"At the beginning you think about, when you're parenting with two people, all the times that something comes up and you're running a little late and you need a little help," he says. "If I didn't have family in town, I'm not sure what I would do."
Not being afraid to ask for help is a key lesson that a suddenly-single dad must learn quickly, says Roseberry."Try to get a good support system," he says. "Utilize everyone that's around that offers their help."
He leans on grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and stepsisters. Fellow church members at Rose of Sharon Missionary Baptist also offer to be there if he needs them, he says. There are even women who offer to style the girls' hair for free.
"You get a lot of assistance when they see a single man trying to be a good dad for his children," he says. "Out in the real world, you have a lot of grandparents raising kids, so to see one of the parents stepping up to the plate, it impresses them."
And there's no doubt he needs their help, he says.
Days usually start at 5:30 a.m., when Roseberry gets up and starts pushing and prodding the kids to get ready for school. Marnaysha has to catch the bus to Orchard Knob Middle School at 6:20 a.m.; the other three are on the bus for Orchard Knob Elementary by 7:30 a.m. He must be at work at the Orange Grove Center by 8 a.m.
"It's a scramble every morning," he says. "You're dealing with different personalities. You've got to keep them on track, keep everybody moving."
After school, there's tutoring or basketball or soccer. Bible study is Wednesday nights. Church is every Sunday. In the evening, there's dinner and helping with homework and cleaning the apartment, usually after the kids are in bed.
"Kids can be a little slothful when it comes to being clean, so you wait until they go to sleep and tidy everything back up," Roseberry says. "I don't get a lot of time for me, but I'm happy that they stay involved in stuff."
Their schedule even includes Girl Scouts.
"I'm actually part of the Girl Scouts, a mentor for the Girl Scouts," Roseberry says, smiling. "I help with cookie sales and all that stuff. I didn't know men were in the Girl Scouts."