Bullying expert calls for culture change, not just resignations

Paul Coughlin speaks on the first day of the Courageous Community Conference at Silverdale Baptist Church.
Paul Coughlin speaks on the first day of the Courageous Community Conference at Silverdale Baptist Church.
photo Paul Coughlin hugs Melody Hutson on the first day of the Courageous Community Conference at Silverdale Baptist Church. Coughlin first met Hutson, now a home-schooled 10th-grader, after she stood up to another girl who was bullying smaller children on the playground when Hutson was a fifth-grader at Silverdale Baptist Academy. "If it hits home with others, my story can be shared with as many people as it needs to be," Hutson said afterward.

Speaking to a packed house in the sanctuary of Silverdale Baptist Church, nationally known bullying expert Paul Coughlin said the solution lies in turning bystanders into "stand alongside-ers."

"Your child is far more likely to join the bully than to help the target," Coughlin said, citing studies that show just 13 of 100 students will intervene in instances of bullying. "We're here to help you change that.

"Calls for resignations, resignations themselves, they're common in situations like the one you just dealt with. But I am here to tell you that they will not diminish bullying. I hope that together we can deploy your anger and indignation towards something truly prudent. And that is to diminish bullying."

Coughlin was in town last week for the Courageous Community Conference, speaking during the community meeting at Silverdale, in addition to holding targeted sessions with youth pastors, school counselors and principals and administrators.

The alleged December rape of an Ooltewah High School freshman basketball player by teammates does not mean schools here are unique or necessarily more prone to bullies, Coughlin said. Bullying goes on everywhere. Last year, the suicides of two students in Polk County were blamed on alleged bullying.

Reverberations of the Ooltewah incident have been felt widely, though. Recently, the Cleveland, Tenn., school board voted to adopt STOPit, an app that allows students to anonymously contact school administrators to report bullying.

It's a service that Coughlin, who is president of the anti-bullying group Protectors in addition to his role as a high school coach and father of three, advocates for. He has developed a curriculum for schools that addresses the development of courage in preventing bullying.

Numerous actions can reduce bullying, Coughlin said.

"Sometime all they have to do is put their arm around the kid that is being bullied," he said. "And then it's reporting to authorities what they saw and heard. That's not tattling.

"Don't call it anti-bullying," he added. "Call it courage. Because that's what's needed. That's what we need to happen."

He'd like to see school bus drivers don uniforms to see if it would cut down on bus bullying.

"Studies show that we innately respect people in uniforms," he said.

He added he believes the Ooltewah incident could have been prevented if older students had spoken against it.

"But it takes courage to say no," said Coughlin.

"Kids will do heroic things if we give them heroic things to do, but we parents have to expect them to do it. And they need to be prepared ahead of time. That's where the curriculum comes in and schools can help in that way."

Contact David Cobb at dcobb@timesfreepress.com or 757-6249.

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