I wrote about Oreo some months ago. She is the full-blooded pit bull that adopted us after being dropped off on our country road by some low-life dirt- bag. She is doing quite well now; her ribs no longer show, and she stopped shaking with fear a good while back. She now prances around like she owns the place, and Riley, our boy dog, on most days seems to like her.
Like any marriage, though, they do sometimes squabble. That is usually hilarious since he is hopelessly outweighed by the beast.
Oreo now weighs in at about 75 pounds. She is a solid mass of energetic muscle. And yet she is still as gentle as a cotton ball and as obedient as any dog I have ever owned.
But it is her huge weight and size that make one thing about her utterly hysterical. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say this. My 75-pound pit bull has the bark of a 5-pound poodle. Every time she barks it looks like some hilarious YouTube video produced by some prankster with excellent editing software.
It is funniest at night. She and Riley sleep out behind our bedroom and when some animal (or breeze or bug or snowflake) alerts her, she starts her animated "Yip! Yip! Yip!" trying to warn it off. She reminds me a bit of Mike Tyson, once the scariest man on earth ... until you heard him talk.
I do not know how Oreo came by her bark. Perhaps she was, in fact, raised by a family of wild Chihuahuas. But I do know that she defies the adage: "Her bark is worse than her bite." Trust me, with this dog, her bite would be infinitely worse than her bark. Oreo simply does not give nearly as deep and firm of a warning as she should based on the potential danger she poses to any would-be intruder.
But does she not mirror modern "Christians" in that flaw? We believe in hell, but rarely preach about it, do not support missions, fail to give out gospel tracts, and do not confront people we say we care about with the Gospel.
We believe in the chastisement of God on his children, but do not warn others of the consequences of their sin for fear that we may be accused of "judging." We believe that Jesus is coming soon, but we show no urgency to get people to be ready for that coming and the judgment that follows. We are like 75-pound pit bulls with a 5-pound poodle bark.
I like Oreo, a lot. But I cannot help but wonder what it will be like, late one very dark night when we are not home, when some intruder tries to break in.
"Hello? 911? Send help, quick! I've just had my entire leg chewed off by a Chihuahua!"
"Excuse me, could you repeat that?"
"I said I've just had my entire leg chewed off by a Chihuahua! Send help, quick!"
"Certainly sir, I am going to put you on hold for just one moment ... Yes, mental health? Please send a paddy wagon and a team with a straight jacket to blah blah blah Lane. And tell them to bring a sedative, and papers for involuntary commitment, we have ourselves a certified crazy to pick up."
Bo Wagner is pastor of the Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, N.C., and the author of several books which are available at wordofhismouth.com. Contact him at 2knowhim@cbc-web.org.