Baumgardner: Home for the holidays may mean new house rules

Many families will be faced with a new normal when their college students arrive home for their first extended break of their college career. The thought of sleeping in their own bed, eating good food and resting for about a month sounds really good.

Parents and college students alike will ponder things like: Is this a time to be with family or to catch up with old friends? What rules do we play by now? Why would I need to tell you where I am going and when I will be home?

Although parents and students both look forward to this time, "It's complicated" could definitely be descriptive of how things will go if there are no conversations ahead of time to lay the foundation for a great visit. Instead of waiting until the last minute to prepare, here are some helpful suggestions for both parents and students.

For parents:

  • Rethink the rules. It is hard to be treated like an adult at school and like a kid at home.
  • Be interested in their new friends and what has happened at school.
  • Remember that it is an adjustment for everybody, not just you.
  • Recognize that college students feel a lot of pressure when they come home. They want to spend time with both their family and their friends.
  • Be creative. Instead of complaining about the time they will spend away from you visiting friends, throw a party and invite everybody to your house. That way you can catch up on the latest as well.
  • Anticipate that your student will be tired. They have just completed exams. Try to be understanding if they are a little grouchy the first couple of days.
  • Warn younger siblings that things will probably be different and be aware of their feelings since they, too, are dealing with change.

For students:

  • Even though you have had your freedom, be respectful to your parents. If they ask you to tell them where you are going and when you will be back, do it because it is the right thing to do. If you want to be treated like an adult, you have to act like one.
  • Ask your parents if they are open to rethinking some house rules. If they are, offer constructive suggestions and don't push the edge of the envelope.
  • Remember, your parents have been away from you. Be open to spending time with them. When they ask you questions about school and your new friends, answer them.
  • Make the most of your visit with your parents. Don't take them for granted. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
  • Many parents will still have to get up early and go to work. Consider how your actions could impact their ability to get good rest and do their job.
  • Try to balance your time at home and with your friends. (Sleeping in your own bed doesn't count as time spent with your family).

Home for the holidays doesn't have to be a tension-filled time. A few conversations along, and some compromise on both sides, could set the stage for some great memories this holiday season.

Julie Baumgardner is president and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at julieb@firstthings.org.

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