LISA DENTON: Barry, this is an exciting week in music - "American Idol" auditions are tomorrow at First Tennessee Pavilion. I checked to see if we could be contestants, but we missed the age cutoff by 26 years. What do they know? I could be an idol. I've had plenty of practice being idle.
BARRY COURTER: You've been my idle idol for years, which might help explain the humor behind this column's title. What would get either of us off the couch?
Lisa Denton and Barry Courter
LISA: The list of things you can bring to the audition is pretty short: sunglasses, sunscreen, banners, blankets, bottled water. Stuff like that.
BARRY: Sounds like a normal day of work to me. Did I say that out loud?
LISA: But the better reading is on the list of things you can't bring to auditions. It's kind of hung up on chairs: You can't bring chairs that fold, chairs that do not fold, lawn chairs, chaise lounges or molded plastic chairs. But my favorite part of the banned list is: Weapons of any kind, including - and I quote - "pocket knives and swords, forged or carved, from any of the middle or modern ages."
BARRY: The chair thing could have been written in Dr. Seuss verse: "You cannot bring chairs that fold, you cannot bring chairs that do not fold " The knives and swords thing makes me want to find out more. Who brought their hand-forged Legbiter replica with them to an audition? Someone did and thought it was a good idea? And what were they singing that they thought they needed that to complete the outfit?
LISA: I'm thinking either a heavy-metal medley or a Monty Python tribute.
BARRY: There is some pretty good music on the agenda this week. The Levitt Amp series kicked off last Thursday - and what a gorgeous day they had weatherwise - and it returns at the Bessie with The Baylor Project. This is a duo comprised of Jean and Marcus Baylor, and they are really good.
Oh, and hey, don't write yourself off yet, but Jimmy Eat World is at The Signal. You remember "The Middle?" If you don't, don't look it up because you'll have it in your head for the rest of the day.
LISA: Hey, those are good lyrics for the "American Idol" hopefuls: "Just do your best / Do everything you can" and "Everything, everything will be all right."
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Contact Lisa Denton at ldenton@timesfreepress.com or 432-757-6281. Contact Barry Courter at bcourter@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6354.