TINLEY PARK, Ill. - In the month since Bruce Smit apologized to sisters Kathleen Rys and Lorraine O'Kelly for sins he committed some 60 years ago when all were students at Monee Elementary School, the three have become friends.
It is an unexpected outcome to a long torturous journey for all.
"There's a kind of peace now," Lorraine said. "It's nice."
On a recent Monday morning, I sat down again with Smit, a Frankfort podiatrist, and the Rys sisters - Lorraine, who lives in Tinley Park, and Kathleen, of Oak Forest.
We gathered at the same Tinley Park Panera Bread where we'd originally met, this time to talk about the merits of sharing a personal story rife with humiliation and remorse with the Daily Southtown and Chicago Tribune. The article was subsequently picked up by news organizations all over the country.
I told them about the feedback I received, which was considerable. Emails and social-media messages came in from near and far, including Palos Heights; Chicago, Naperville; Grayslake; Dallas, Texas; Jacksonville, Florida; and Curwensville, Pennsylvania. And they talked about their sudden "brush with fame."
Clearly, many readers were moved by the story of a man so tortured by the memory of his childhood self inflicting emotional pain on two sisters for no apparent reason that he would muster the courage to find them decades later and apologize. Many more sympathized with the plight of the sisters.
The biggest take-aways? That what happens in childhood doesn't stay in childhood. The hurt and cruelty inflicted during the formative years can stay with a person forever, whether that person is the victim or the perpetrator. And that not everyone gets the opportunity to make amends and heal those wounds.
But for those who do, life can become "a beautiful peace," Lorraine said.
OPENING THE WOUND
Back in the late 1950s, the now-71-year-old Smit said he "jumped on the bandwagon" and joined other junior high students in ostracizing and belittling the sisters, the older of whom, Kathleen, was a classmate. Smit was not the instigator and none of the parties recall how the torment began, but all say it was severe and sustained, continuing on to Crete-Monee High School.
"Somehow the whole school turned against us," Lorraine recalled.
Smit suspects that he and the other bullies felt a sense of empowerment by putting the sisters down.
Labeled outcasts, Lorraine and Kathleen said they endured a lonely existence. They didn't receive Valentine's Day cards, didn't go to school dances and weren't invited to sleepovers. No one talked to them in the hallways.
And until their first meeting with Smit this past April, they had never eaten lunch with a classmate.
Though the pain of being shunned has never healed, Lorraine, now 70, said, "It was all folded up so tight in a little box and put away."
When Smit's wife, Tammy, reached out to them after all these years and told them her husband wanted - and needed - to make amends, Lorraine said she was initially hesitant.
"To have that box open again, it was scary," she said.
Kathleen, who said she struggled to make friends the rest of her life, at first simply refused.
"I forgave him because he asked for forgiveness, but I didn't want to meet him," she said.
At her sister's urging, she agreed.
And since that day, when Smit told them he was sorry and the sisters said, "I forgive you," all say their world has changed - for the better.
That is, once they got over the initial shock of their "sudden fame," Lorraine said. The sisters heard from friends and acquaintances who said they learned for the first time through the newspaper about their childhood struggles. And they were recognized by the receptionist at St. George Church in Tinley Park when they stopped in to buy a raffle ticket.
"At the senior dinner, a woman came up to us," Lorraine said, "and said that her son was bullied in school. She said the story serves a purpose - that bullying can't be tolerated."
Another reader told Kathleen that both the sisters' story and Smit's story "spoke volumes" about what it's like to be bullied and what it's like to carry guilt.
Smit said he had hoped to hear from other former classmates, but has not.
Neverthless, he said, "A kind of peace has come over me," even though much of the feedback has not been very kind to him.
Though he'd lost touch with the sisters in high school, Smit said he began realizing the error of his ways when he was in medical school. After he became a parent, he said, the memories of him and the other kids plastering themselves against the walls so the Rys girls wouldn't brush up against them "haunted me."
And still do, he added.
"I can't fix that," Smit said. "But I feel better now that it's out. I have a certain peace about it."
Lorraine said, "It would be nice if the other ones who did this to us apologized, but even if they don't, this is enough. The fact that one person remembered and recognized it and made things right, that makes a huge difference."
"We're all friends now," Smit said, citing their numerous phone calls and recent road trip to the College of DuPage to tape an interview with National Public Radio. "But it was a long time coming."
Looking at Smit, Lorraine said, "I'm just glad you had the courage to do it."
THE PUBLIC RESPONDS
Some readers wondered if there was more to the story, if the sisters had perhaps unknowingly brought this kind of behavior on themselves. Some admonished Smit for waiting so long to apologize.
But most addressed a need for more media conversation and coverage of both bullying and atonement.
"I found your article about the Rys sisters extremely moving," wrote retired teacher Linda Kahan. "What these women went through and how it has affected them over the years is heartbreaking. It is wonderful that this meeting was able to take place and that the power of forgiveness prevailed. Hopefully the wounds and scars will be soothed, but as a society we need to do better."
Schools, she continued, "seem to be more aware of bullying today but we must do more.
"Also, there is the problem of bystanders doing nothing. I remember some students being bullied when I was a student. While I did not participate, I also didn't stand up for the students. I am ashamed of myself for that. The problem will not go away until everyone takes responsibility," Kahan wrote.
"I pray for a kinder, gentler place, where all people are respected and celebrated. And please let us begin with Kathleen and Lorraine. They are beautiful, special women, deserving of all the happiness in the world," she wrote.
Janice Mastro recalled, "I was not bullied, but I do remember myself and a lot of other kids that picked on one girl in grade school I still remember her first and last name to this day, and I am talking over 50 years ago.
"What a brave and kind thing for Bruce Smit to want to do after all this time," Mastro continued.
Dudley Chappell shared his story of personal pain. "Thanks for that story. I grew up in that same era. Forgiveness is good but to not have been bullied would be better. Some kids like me were bullied by parents. Then at school had more of the same. Terrible psychological effects."
Paulette Wagner said she could relate on two fronts.
"As a child I also was laughed at and picked on. As a middle school teacher I was very sensitive to the needs of some of the students who were treated the same way," she said. "Your story needs to be shared and sent to everyone involved in schools. The ramifications of nasty behavior are longer lasting than even I realized."
Elaine Kujawa wrote: "As someone who was treated in much the same way in grade school and high school, I can relate. I am now 73 and never did put this behind me Because of this abuse, and it was abuse, I quit school at the age of 17 to go to work. I proceeded to get my GED at the age of 43 to show myself I could do it. It was never about school classes. I have to say because of this experience I have become a strong woman.
"It was such a healing moment for the three of them," Kujawa continued. "I am including myself as well. It's never too late to make amends. I was so thankful that this issue has finally come to the attention of schools."
Lorraine said she believes their story is more about forgiveness than bullying.
Smit agreed. "I will carry the memory of being mean to my grave," he said.
To which Kathleen replied, "OK, we've forgiven you. Now it's time for you to forgive yourself."
Not all of the feedback, however, has been uplifting.
Lorraine said her grandson told her: "Nothing will change. There have always been bullies and there always will be."
And several people, she said, told her they would not have forgiven Smit.
"But I said I don't know how you couldn't forgive him," she said. "It's so freeing to forgive. It sets everyone free."
"That," Smit said, "is what grace is all about."