Dear Abby: Girlfriend loses self-esteem when addict betrays her trust

Dear Abby: Girlfriend loses self-esteem when addict betrays her trust

August 13th, 2019 by Jeanne Phillips in Life Entertainment

Jeanne Phillips

Jeanne Phillips

Photo by Contributed Photo /Times Free Press.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend, "Rocko," for two years, but in the late months of last year, he became distant. He would disappear for days at a time, block my phone number and ignore me. I was sure he was seeing another woman or taking drugs because he is an ex-addict.

Two months ago, he was arrested. I was right — Rocko was on drugs and had been hanging out with another woman. Like any man who's caught, he swears she was "just someone to get high with" and nothing happened between them. It has destroyed my self-esteem. I hate myself, and I can't stop wondering why I wasn't enough.

Rocko is currently in rehab and seems to be doing wonderfully. I have asked him a lot of questions and said I needed him to be truthful. So far he has been honest. However, he still denies anything happened between them.

He says he wants to save our relationship and start a new life together now that he's clean. How do I do this? I don't trust him! I'm already doubting everything he says and does. I know he needs to earn my trust back, but how do I let that happen? How do I even begin to forgive him for everything he has done to us? — JUMBLE OF EMOTIONS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR JUMBLE: You wrote that the way Rocko treated you has destroyed your self-esteem. Work on rebuilding it, and once you have done that, ask yourself why you should continue to be involved with someone as unstable as this man.

Disappearing for days at a time, blocking your number and ignoring you when you reach out is brutal. It is abusive. Rocko has been around this track before and may again. If you don't have it in you to stay and see this through to a possibly positive conclusion, end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor regularly goes around gardening in her yard wearing yoga pants with huge tears in the inner thighs and an even bigger hole in the crotch. I have kids, and her other close neighbors have kids even younger than mine.

She isn't poor. Should I send her an anonymous letter asking her to buy new pants? — EXPOSED OUT THERE

DEAR EXPOSED: No. Tell her calmly that you are concerned about your children and ask her to please wear something less "revealing." However, if she refuses, install a hedge to shield you from the view. And practice your "look away" skills.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.


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