Here we are at Christmas, supposedly "the most wonderful time of the year." Children are wide-eyed in anticipation, excitedly telling their parents what they want Santa to bring them. Parents, on the other hand, are reeling in the midst of the pandemic with too many unanswered questions to count.
Let's don't even talk about finances. Or the pressure to make sure everything is in stock and ordered early enough to arrive on time.
Can we press the pause button for a minute? I think it might help to take a step back, breathe and think about a few things. There are lots of voices telling your children what they should ask for this Christmas. While some of those Christmas gifts may be awesome, the truth is, what your child wants for Christmas and what you actually end up giving your child this Christmas may be two very different lists. And for good reason.
I've been down the road of being really proud of myself for getting some of those begged-for items only to see them sitting in the corner a few weeks into the new year.
It occurred to me after several years: Maybe those things aren't really the best Christmas gifts I could give my child. That sent me down the trail of thinking about what I could give her that wouldn't break, sit abandoned in the corner or be returned to the store.
Here are some of the things we ended up giving her through the years instead that you might consider as alternatives.
- Coupon book. We made this ourselves and included 20 or so coupons for things she liked. You might include an ice cream date, getting out of a chore for a day, making the child's favorite dinner, popcorn and movie night, dessert before dinner, staying up past bedtime and extra video game time.
- Memberships or passes. Whether a one-time pass or a yearlong membership, providing visits to a children's museum, aquarium, zoo, rock-climbing, zip-lining or other attraction will stimulate both the brain and body.
- Vision book. We asked people who knew our daughter well - teachers, friends, coaches, grandparents, neighbors - to write her a short note talking about the qualities they saw in her and giving her words of encouragement. I put all of the notes in a scrapbook and gave it to her. She's all grown up, but that book is still with her.
- Scavenger hunts and experiences. A wrapped box under the tree with a clue in it that led to the next clue somewhere around the house, which after numerous clues would lead to the gift. One year it was tickets to a concert we attended as a family. Another year, it was a weekend daddy-daughter trip. The goal was to create lasting memories instead of temporary excitement. I think it worked because those experiences are still talked about today.
Back to hitting the pause button. It occurred to me after a few Christmases that each year around September I would start feeling major stress about Christmas - shopping, finances and attitude over gifts purchased that weren't the right thing. I was actually beginning to dread what had been my favorite time of the year. Something had to give. That's when we decided to do things differently.
In the end, I think we decided not giving our daughter all the stuff on her list might have been one of the best Christmas gifts we gave her as her parents. The conversations and laughter around those memories can't be bought. And they are there forever.
They won't ever put this on their Christmas list, but what children really want is to know they are loved by their parents. Don't expect a huge thank you for not getting everything on their Christmas list. That won't happen for a long time -maybe never. But coming up with creative ways to celebrate your child, creating memories with them and showing them your unconditional love truly will be the most priceless gift you can give to them. You'll never regret giving them that, and you don't have to break the budget, wait for it to arrive in the mail or get it at the mall.
Julie Baumgardner is president and CEO of family advocacy nonprofit First Things First. Email her at julieb@firstthings.org.
Julie Baumgardner