DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old married man. I share a house with my wife and daughter. After dinner last month, my wife and I had a big fight. I can't believe the things we said. In 30 years, it has never gone that far.
I left the house and went to a bar. A slightly older man sat down next to me, and we talked for a long time, about the Beatles, hockey, science, evolution and the universe. Conversation just flowed.
I decided to tell him about the fight with my wife. He told me he lived in the building and had a vintage vinyl collection. If I wanted, we could go up and listen to some records. I said yes. We had a few drinks, listened to some great music and talked some more. He was so smart and so cool.
Then I caught myself looking at him with more than just admiration for his intellect, if you know what I mean. It scared me. I didn't know what to do, so I apologized and excused myself, hastily and rudely, I'm sure.
I don't know if he had any intentions other than listening to old records. He didn't say, and I didn't stick around long enough to find out. But I remember that feeling. All day long I remember it.
My wife and I have made up. We both regret the fight. But, Abby, I think about him every day. I've considered going back and knocking on his door, but I can't. I never imagined I'd feel this way at my age. What can I do? - TWISTED UP IN THE SOUTH
DEAR TWISTED UP: I'll be frank. Sexuality is not necessarily black and white; there are shades of gray. You met this person at a time when you were emotionally vulnerable. The best thing you can do for your marriage would be to talk about this with a licensed mental health professional. The most destructive thing you could do for your marriage would be to knock on that person's door at this time.
DEAR ABBY: My father has always been very careful with money. He recently retired with his house paid off and enough savings to maintain a middle-class life for him and my stepmother.
Last month, my sister confided to me that my stepmother, "Lynda," has racked up $100,000 in credit card debt, mostly from online shopping. Everyone in the family is hiding it from my father.
I feel Dad has a right to know. If he finds out sooner rather than later, he will be in a better position to pay the debt.
However, I'm afraid that both my and my father's relationship with my stepmother will be jeopardized if I tell him the truth. He has a history of not being able to control his temper.
I'm afraid they could eventually lose their house and the means to support themselves. What should I do? - NERVOUS IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR NERVOUS: Rather than aid and abet your father's wife by hiding her shopping addiction, your family should have informed your father before the debt reached such large proportions. What you should do is speak up! Let him know you are worried . It doesn't take a crystal ball to see there is serious trouble on the horizon that will grow worse if something isn't done immediately.
Jeanne PhillipsDear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)