Valentine's Day has come and gone, but that doesn't mean the romance has to end. For some, this time of year is filled with romantic gestures. Others may have lost that loving feeling. Maybe the romance has faded in your marriage. Life gets hectic, and we lose focus. Work demands increase. Kids bring on a whole new level of exhaustion. Our relationship becomes routine.
Routines don't have to ruin your romance, though. You can always rekindle that fire. With a bit of intentionality, you and your spouse can keep the romance strong. Here are a few ways to get started:
1. Keep dating your spouse.
Remember what it was like when you were dating, before you got married? The long walks holding hands? The intimate conversations while getting to know each other? Prioritizing your budding relationship? Just because you're married doesn't mean that all has to stop. Your relationship probably needs those dates now more than ever. Put those date nights on the calendar and prioritize them. Hold hands often. Treat the person you married the same as you treated them when you were falling in love.
2. Study your spouse.
We are constantly growing as individuals. Our opinions and views evolve. There's always something to learn about your spouse. If you don't know their love language, that's a great place to start. Your love language is the way that you receive love. Author Gary Chapman says there are five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gifts and acts of service. We all have a love language (or two) that we prefer. Get to know your spouse, but don't stop there. Keep learning and pursuing them. Curiosity is a beautiful thing in a relationship.
3. Surprise and delight your spouse.
Leave notes in their lunch, car or on the bathroom mirror. Text them throughout the day just to say I love you. Surprise them with their favorite drink. Use the knowledge you gained from studying them to speak their love language. Maybe that means taking on some of their household chores or responsibilities so they can relax and recharge. Looking for ways to surprise your spouse shows them they are on your mind and their feelings are a priority.
4. Commit to pursuing intimacy in all its forms.
It's common to equate intimacy with sex, but it's so much more than that. Intimacy is our innermost thoughts and feelings. It allows us to bond with each other on several levels. While many healthy relationships involve intimacy, marriage should be the most intimate. Your spouse should know you more deeply than anyone else.
There are six types of intimacy: emotional, intellectual, physical, experiential, spiritual and sexual. Focusing on each one increases the others. Continual conversation is a necessity to grow your intimacy as well.
Ready to dive into each type of intimacy and find out how to build it in your relationship? Stay tuned for next week's article. We'll take a deeper look and talk about practical ways to grow your intimacy.
In the meantime, start the conversation with your spouse about these ways to keep romance strong in your marriage.
Mitchell Qualls is vice president of operations at family advocacy nonprofit First Things First. Email him at mitchell@firstthings.org.
Mitchell Qualls