Of course, with juice - the entertainment broker's fee and the way Vegas builds those billion-dollar buildings and offer $5.99 prime rib dinners - if you are even, then your money's leavin', friends.
We have not found a consistent stinker to go against this year. Tear. We miss Bobby Petrino quitting on his Louisville team last year, which meant me and Bobby were collecting checks without doing any work.
Sadly, that's on us.
Akron is bagel-and-six this year overall and against the number. (Man, we like Tom Arth, and we believe in Tom Arth's coaching acumen, but wow, that's the worst team in the country, right?)
But did you know that there are two other teams in college football that are 0-6 against the number?
Yeah, we'd like to have a degree from either of them. Yeah, we'd like to have enough coin to send either of my kids there.
Georgia Tech and Vandy are perfectly imperfect in Vegas' eyes. For those wondering, Akron is plus-17.5 at home against Buffalo. The spreads on the other two, well, to the picks.
> Auburn minus-18.5 at Arkansas. Gus Malzahn is 5-1 against the number against his home-state university. His offenses have topped 600 yards in three of those six games. Arkansas is coming off a disappointing loss at Kentucky; Auburn has had two weeks to marinate over the loss in The Swamp. A nooner (11 a.m. Central in Fayetteville) normally means a slow start for the home team. This one feels like it's going to get out of hand quickly. (But what do I know? I picked Gus over the Gators.)
> Tulane plus-4.5 over Memphis and over 59. This game is sneaky good because these teams are sneaky salty. And not for nothing, but I'd be really curious what the line would be if Memphis and UT played in Nashville. I'd bet that the Tigers would be a slight favorite. As for this game, the Green Wave are 5-1 overall and against the number, and know this, friends: Tulane coach Willie Fritz knows what he's doing on the sideline.
> Pittsburgh minus-3 at Syracuse. Buy the hook, but yes please. Rivalry game? OK. But Pittsburgh has wins over Central Florida and Duke. The 'Cuse's three wins are over Liberty, a directional Michigan and Holy Cross.
Miami minus-17 over Georgia Tech. Yes, picking ACC against the number is tough. I'd rather go to Coyote Jack's without a bodyguard. But Tech is bad; Miami is a classic front-runner and will be blingin' and slingin' and tossin' the turnover chain and the TD rings everywhere. (Side note: It's a complete oversight on our part not riding against the Jackets all year. We all knew the new staff would struggle with option pieces in a non-option philosophy.)
Navy minus-13.5 over South Florida. South Florida is the worst three-win team in the country. Those wins have come against South Carolina State, a dreadful UConn team and an exhausted BYU bunch. (Side note: BYU is 2-4 with wins at Tennessee and vs. USC and losses at Toledo and South Florida. Go figure.) Navy does Navy, and that will be more than enough.
La. Tech-Southern Miss over 57. Both of these teams average better than 32. Southern Miss QB Jack Abraham is fourth in the country in passing yards behind the dude at Washington state and a couple of dudes named Tua and Joe Burrow.
Oklahoma State minus-3 over Baylor. Love the Cowboys here for a similar reason as we like Auburn. The Gundys had a bye week to stew over a painful loss to Texas Tech. Buy the hook to be safe.
Clemson-Louisville over 60. Side question: Considering where they came from, Cards coach Scott Satterfield needs to be in the conversation for coach of the year. Seriously. Is Louisville going to win? No. In fact, Clemson may cover the 24 because of the talent gap. But I'll roll the dice on the Tigers playing in the 40s and the Cards playing in the 20s. Auburn math says that's more than 60.
Texas A&M-Ole Miss over 55. How does this not get more than eight TDs? I'll wait. Seriously, Ole Miss has its QB of the future and the Aggies are going to need to score. A lot.
Last week: 3-2-2 (60 percent) against the spread.
This season: 23-23-2 (50 percent) against the spread.
Ultimate sadness
Boxer Ryan Day died Wednesday, four days after suffering a 10th-round KO last weekend.
The junior middleweight was 27.
He suffered brain injuries in Saturday's bout and died from the damage.
There's little to say here, because this is ragic.
Yes, Day knew what he was getting into with that career choice.
Boxing is supremely dangerous at its core. When the baseline job description on LinkedIn is "Avoid punches, knock opponent unconscious" well, there you go.
Which leads us to the blood-red elephant in the ring: How long will boxing be around?
Truly.
Buckets
OK, most regulars here know that I'm not the biggest fan of the NCAA as an organization.
Let's say its leadership and moral compass are lacking.
And that's being as kind as we possibly can be.
Well, if there's one group that has earned less faith in general practices and purposes than the NCAA, it's Congress.
And now, Congress - namely Mitt Romney - is jazz-handing and arm-waving about how our federal elected officials are coming for the NCAA.
Grand.
Seriously, who do you cheer for in a Congress vs. NCAA square-off?
Romney said that federal regulations similar to the California state law are coming.
We'll say it again, and repeat it from the rafters: If the NCAA cannot see this is coming, do something that universally covers all the schools and tries to meet the needs of the athletes, the schools and college sports in general, then the NCAA should be disbanded.
Completely.
It's now or never, NCAA, and if you sit this one out, you are as useless as a VCR player.
This and that
- Another interesting tidbit that most local entertainment brokers do not accept is team point total. For example, the Vegas prop bet for Alabama is over 48 points. Friends, if your entertainment broker accepts team total and gives that number, well, get on that with both feet.
- Speaking of entertainment, you know rule 2 right? Lines that look too good generally are. Well, doesn't tonight's NFL game - 4-2 Chiefs minus-3 at 2-4 Denver - fall directly into that way of thinking?
- Game 4 of the ALCS is tonight, and truly this is a must win for the Yankees. They are at home. They trail Houston 2-1 and they have to face Verlander and Cole this weekend. A 3-1 hole is a death blow.
- Antonio Alfano, the top-ranked recruit in the Alabama top-ranked recruiting class, is in the transfer portal. Shouldn't we be obligated to make the "Wayne's World" noise when we say transfer portal?
Today's questions
On this day 80 years ago, "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" with Jimmy Stewart is released.
On this day in 1860, the first British Open was played. Yes, 18-bleepin-60. Man, if your event was pre-Civil War, well, there you go.
Eminem is 47 today.
Evel Knievel would have been 81 today.
Dolph Lundgren is 60 today. Ernie Els is 50 today.
Today is National Playing Card Day.
Rushmore of card games. Go.