Hart: A year of watching Trump, Hillary, ISIS

Hart: A year of watching Trump, Hillary, ISIS

January 1st, 2016 by Ron Hart in Opinion Columns

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton smiles as she arrives at a town hall style campaign event in New Hampshire earlier this week.

Photo by Steven Senne

Here's my annual look back at the year just past:

* Who would have thought that, in 2015, one could get gay married in Alabama but not be able to smoke weed in Ohio?

* Britain's second royal baby was born in 2015, weighing in at 9 pounds. Given our strong currency, that's like about $13.

Ron Hart

Ron Hart

Photo by Contributed Photo /Times Free Press.

* Dick Cheney hit all the media outlets to promote his new book. He miscalculated on one appearance on MSNBC, where he believed he would be greeted as a liberator. He said he believes in waterboarding; so does Donald Trump, as it may be the only way to get the truth out of Hillary Clinton.

* Even though she has the Democratic nomination locked up, Hillary is harder to find than her emails. She had her campaign conduct a $5 online raffle. The winner got a dinner with Hillary; second prize was a dinner and a speech.

* The book "Clinton Cash" detailed how Hillary and Bill used their foundation to make $200 million via speeches and taking money from nefarious donors expecting favors. But the Clintons did do some fine philanthropic work in the area of closing gaps in wealth inequality — mostly gaps between theirs and that of Bill Gates.

* The BunnyRanch bordello in Nevada formed a political group, Hookers for Hillary, to raise money. They have a lot in common: Like Hillary, hookers will change positions anytime if offered enough money.

* Trump's run for president and his blunt statements have cost him millions in business, from being forced to sell his Miss Universe pageant to having the USGA pull his golf course from consideration because of anti-Muslim remarks. When all-white country clubs say you need to be more "racially sensitive," it might be time to self-evaluate.

* The San Bernardino terrorist shooting could have been averted had the couple's next-door neighbor not been afraid of being labeled Islamophobic and reported their stockpile of weapons. Even after the attack, Attorney General Loretta Lynch lectured the country on racism and being too hard on Muslims. It's Obama's new domestic anti-terrorism mantra: "If you see something, say something — as long as it cannot, in any way, be interpreted as offensive."

* ISIS has been recruiting well, funded by its looted oil wealth. The want ads say: "Must be willing to martyr yourself for jihad and be proficient in Excel spreadsheets."

* Bernie Sanders, who was leading Hillary in New Hampshire, has fallen behind. In desperation, Bernie sued the DNC. He was told he would have to do something to jump start his campaign, and Bernie replied, "OK, then — release my sex tape."

* Our military is depleted to its lowest levels since before World War II. Some 75 percent of Army enlistees fail the physical test because they are overweight. Drill instructors now say, "Drop and give me one." Obama has a plan, though. Rather than shaming recruits into getting in shape, he will only invade countries with no hills.

* We continue to have trouble with ISIS, Iran, Israel and Iraq — countries that have more "I's" in them than an Obama speech honoring someone else. Obama's staff worked hard to defeat Bibi Netanyahu but failed, making him the first U.S. president to lose the Senate, the House and the Knesset in one year. Not that he's petulant, but Obama wrote a congratulatory note to Bibi — in German.

* After negotiating with its creditors, Greece again averted a debt default. The final day's talks lasted 15 hours, a period better known as a Greek work week. The country printed new currency, putting Brian Williams' portrait on its money.

* Another lifelong criminal was found dead in Baltimore after being hauled to jail in a paddy wagon. After awkward, racially tinged political rhetoric, citizens rioted. They took everything from the stores they looted except work boots and Dirks Bentley CDs.

* Our military released records confiscated in the Osama bin Laden raid. They revealed that he watched tapes of news coverage about himself all day, smoked pot, colored his hair, used Viagra and watched a lot of porn. This helped Americans in the healing process, as we realized that our similarities are much larger than our differences.

Contact op-ed humorist Ron Hart at Ron@RonaldHart.com or follow him at @RonaldHart on Twitter.

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