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For months, I've been nursing a pinched nerve in my back.
It started as sciatica. The pain went away after about a week, but I was left with numbness in my left thigh and in the arch of my left foot.
Last week, I saw a back specialist who promptly diagnosed the problem - a pinched nerve. The doctor took lots of time explaining the situation and the possible outcomes, which basically came down to these three:
* Do nothing and the damaged nerve root might slowly heal - maybe in months, maybe in years.
* Do a nerve test and an MRI, which could expose the problem - perhaps a bulging disc - and suggest treatment options.
* Absorb the fact that the nerve damage might be irreversible.
I share this anecdote not to call attention to my back problem - which is really just a nuisance at the moment. Instead, I point it out because I learned an important life lesson here:
Life boils down to simple choices.
No matter your problem (health issues, broken relationships, job stress) you basically have three choices: Do nothing, do something that might or might not help, and/or become resigned to that fact that the outcome might be out of your control.
Obviously, the three choices overlap, and sometimes they follow a natural progression, 1 to 2 to 3.
I was struck by how much this three-step system of problem-solving mirrors the serenity prayer often associated with 12-step programs: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
Looking back over my own life, I realize that I'm an Option 1 guy: Do nothing and hope the problem heals itself.
Sometimes this works, but often it takes longer than it should. For example, in my 20s I experienced social anxieties. Over time, and with God's help, I was able to emerge from these wilderness years and turn things around.
Had I progressed to Option 2 - asking for help - my problems probably could have been solved a lot quicker with the help of a counselor or a support group.
I was once part of an experiment in which individuals were asked to solve an unsolvable problem. The only way to crack the puzzle was to raise your hand and ask for help. It was amazing to me how many people insisted on making the same mistakes over and over rather than simply asking for assistance.
As a parent, sometimes I think that my most important task is getting my children to understand Option 2 (asking for help) or Option 3 (accepting the inevitable).
If I had one wish for my children, it would be that they learn to ask for help early and often. Too much of life is wasted motion as people refuse to learn from the experiences of others.
Secondarily, after they've exhausted help, I would hope they would learn to say "Oh, well" in the face of an intractable situation.
There's a silly little saying that the boys learned in pre-school that comes to my mind often. When handing out toys or snacks, the teacher would tell the children: "You get what you get, so don't pitch a fit."
Sometimes life is just about that simple.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645. Follow him on Twitter @TFPCOLUMNIST. Subscribe to his Facebook updates at www.facebook.com/mkennedycolumnist.