Kennedy's Family Life Column: Finally getting with the program

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We were one of the last households in our town to get high-speed internet.

Years after our neighbors were enjoying fast-loading web pages, the Kennedy family was enduring the insufferable beeps-and-whistles of dial-up.

Like Americans who kept their horse-drawn buggies long after Model T's arrived, I believed that high-speed internet connections led to higher internet bills. I was right, obviously, as our cable/internet bill has grown to the size of a car payment.

But what's the alternative, really? When you have school-age kids, high-speed internet for homework is essential. Plus, there is the social stigma of having kids who are unplugged. I think my two sons would sooner give up flush toilets than Wi-Fi.

I remember a childhood friend named Roger whose family, while wealthy by our town's standards, did not believe in television. Thus, Roger - who was a whipsmart, jovial kid - was locked out of most pop culture discussions at school and seemed to lead a rather solitary life.

Poor Roger.

Imagine a kid today without access to YouTube or Snapchat. I remember waiting nervously in the 1960s for the delivery of the World Book encyclopedia, which contained a thimble full of information compared to the internet's ocean of knowledge.

Which brings me to my latest bout of technological procrastination.

It recently came to my attention that we were the proud owners of three cable modems from our internet provider. There was the one originally installed 10 years old - still blinking away - and two upgraded devices, still in their packing boxes.

Not only did I not request the two new modems, but I was so intimidated by the "self-install" instructions I had simply let them pile up in the corner.

It was not until I noticed that I was being triple-billed for modems that things come to a head. It was as if Ford had sent me new car every couple of years - just because they thought I needed one - and drafted my bank account accordingly.

I was afraid of installing the new modems lest I crash the system. I could imagine the carnage that would follow if my two sons were suddenly knocked off the internet for any length of time. By "any length of time," I mean 10 seconds.

So, around Christmas, I took a deep breath, called the cable company and asked them to send out a tech to install a new modem that I purchased at Best Buy. And the tech was not to leave until everything was in working order. I would rent an RV, if necessary, to provide them temporary housing. (I had by then calculated I had spent about $1,200 over a decade to "rent" a $100 modem, which may have been the most monumentally stupid thing I've ever done.)

The cable lady said that, through equipment give-backs and changing packages, I could upgrade my services AND lower my bill.

"Done," I said.

Now we have DVR for the first time, which my wife uses for "Grey's Anatomy," and I use to record NFL football games.

We also have those new remotes that you talk to. I can just say "ESPN" and my television leaps to the sports channel. Now, if I could just say "pizza" and get Domino's on the line, I'd never have to leave the house.

All in all, I'm happy with our fancy new devices. Which is good because I don't plan to think about this again for 10 years.

Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.

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