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Ron Hart

So a special counsel has been hired, former FBI Director Robert Mueller, to look into something about Trump — I think. Mueller is well respected by members of Congress on both sides of the aisle and has their unwavering support — right up until he renders a conclusion different from their own theory. Then he will suck and be the worst person in Washington, and there will be calls for him to be investigated.

The whole thing is as confusing as a Trump family Mother's Day at Mar-a-Lago.

This gives the Democrats a chance to impeach Trump, with no evidence, because they disagree with him on policy. It's a conspiracy theory in search of facts. Based on the left-wing media's Trump Derangement Syndrome, we are proceeding with this investigation based on unsourced, felonious leaks from "deep state" government employees (91 percent of Washington, D.C., voted for Hillary Clinton), The Washington Post and other media confederates. Those unnamed sources supposedly gave "journalists" information that Trump said something that everyone who was in the room denies he said. And even if he said those things, while perhaps indelicate, they were not illegal.

Only a week ago, Sen. Chuck Grassley, ex-member of the Senate Intelligence Committee (it sounds ironic, but there is such a thing), said the FBI confirmed to him that Trump is not under investigation. Apparently, James Comey told Trump the same thing. So Trump must have committed a "high crime or misdemeanor" in the last week. Punishment for Trump could range from one to five years in prison to being forced to get an age-appropriate haircut.

All this is a stupid waste of money, an unnecessary national embarrassment and will backfire on Democrats. They want the verdict now, the trial later.

Trump was sent to Washington to be indelicate. He harvested voters' frustrations about Washington pettiness like this. His supporters like his firing of entrenched government dolts. He also goes against the PC nothingness diplomacy of predecessors. We like that. He is a wrecking ball we sent there. And wrecking balls have balls, and they wreck things. The media and the "deep state" did not elect Trump; we did.

Democrats' breathless barrage of baseless accusations paints Trump as a Russian James Bond villain, "Gold Hair." They want all Republicans who have ordered a vodka-based drink in the last year to be investigated. Anyone who has ordered a Moscow Mule should be hauled before Bernie Sanders and asked to explain himself.

That is the problem with socialists like Bernie Sanders and many "progressives" today. They do not care about governing since their plans have never worked. They just want to protest. Actually governing only serves to illuminate the age-old battle between socialism and its archenemy, reality.

Democrats called for Trump to fire Obama appointee Comey, but once he did they said Comey should not have been fired. There is no pleasing those folks and no intellectual honesty among them.

Trump planned to fire Comey even before the scathing memo about Comey was sent out from the Department of Justice. Trump called him a "showboat" and a "nut job." He all but called him a "drama queen," but that might have been too close to describing FBI great J. Edgar Hoover.

Comey is angry; he will seek retribution. You can tell because the media are heaping praise on him now. Upon being fired and forced to surrender his $61 million Gulfstream 550 private jet (or as it should be called, "Not Delta Air Lines"), he found a handwritten note in his Hello Kitty diary saying Trump obstructed justice. Again, per an "unnamed source," Trump purportedly asked about the Michael Flynn investigation.Apparently, a crime did not ensue when he did it, but after being fired, Comey will now pursue it.

Trump left this inside-the-beltway circus last week for the comparative civility of the Middle East, where more rational minds abound. While the world is a mess, the circus consumes D.C. Keep in mind, Kim Jong-un fired more missiles last week than Trump did FBI directors.

Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator, at or Twitter @RonaldHart.