Here is what has happened so far in Special Counsel Mueller's collusion probe and how government has spent our $20 million. As the FBI was ignoring specific and spot-on citizens' tips that could have stopped the Florida school shooting, it continued to chase around political campaign volunteers for not filling out their paperwork just right.
In short, President Trump is now being chased down for obstructing the investigation of a crime that never occurred. Punishment for Trump could range from one to five years in prison to being forced to get an age-appropriate haircut.
The whole thing is as confusing as a Trump family Mother's Day at Mar-a-Lago, so let me sum it up. Special Counsel Bob Mueller's probe's mandate was supposed to be the Trump campaign's collusion with Russia. Vice President Mike Pence has distanced himself from it because he doesn't believe in man dates.
Since there was never any evidence of Trump colluding with Russia to begin with, Mueller's yearlong investigation is morphing into anything he can find. Leaks said that Donald Trump Jr. met alone with a Russian lawyer before the election. The media was giddy for a week until they found out that nothing happened and that 11 people were in that meeting room. Now they are looking into getting Donald Jr. for fire code violations.
This whole time the Russians are laughing at us, because all they wanted to do is "sow discord." We really took the bait. Like bin Laden did to us with 9/11, we react by spending money and giving up freedoms to Homeland Security and the TSA; we spend trillions of dollars on wars of choice. We shouldn't flinch.
Thirteen Russians with fake Facebook accounts? That's it? The Russkies equally supported Trump and Bernie Sanders/Hillary. There was no clear favorite in this de minimis bot campaign. Only $3,000 was spent in swing states, mostly after the election. Obama's State Department spent $300,000 in Israel trying to defeat Benjamin Netanyahu. Obama hated Yahus.
All this is a stupid waste of money and an unnecessary national embarrassment. It will backfire on Democrats. They want the verdict now, the trial later.
Trump was sent to Washington to be indelicate. He harvested voters' frustrations about Washington pettiness. His supporters like his firing of entrenched government dolts. He also goes against the PC nothingness diplomacy of his predecessors. We like that, too. He is the wrecking ball we sent there. Wrecking balls have balls and they wreck things. The media and the "deep state" did not elect Trump; we did.
Democrats' breathless barrage of baseless accusations paints Trump as a Russian James Bond-type villain, "Gold Hair." They want all Republicans who have ordered a vodka-based drink in the last year to be investigated. Anyone who has ordered a Moscow Mule should be hauled before Bernie Sanders (who honeymooned in Russia) and asked to explain himself. It feels like the McCarthyism they purport to abhor.
Like the Whitewater investigation of Bill Clinton, the only punch Mueller lands on Trump will probably be a "blue dress" indictment. Rob Porter, Trump's staff secretary, had to resign over old spousal abuse allegations that the FBI should have uncovered in his background check. And The Donald faced anger from Melania as details surfaced over Trump's purported affair with porn star Stormy Daniels.
After the Stormy Daniels news broke, the press made a lot of gossip about Melania not attending the economic summit in Davos, Switzerland; a bold stand, since we all know how much Melania enjoys herself at economic summits in Europe.
In short, the Mueller investigation has produced information we already knew: The Russians like to monkey with other countries' elections. The media now feigns outrage. They do not like that Russians use their position in the media to misinform, propagandize and only give the side of a story that fits their narrative. That's the mainstream media's role.
Contract Ron Hart at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.