OK, we'll start. Georgia, keep your dang straws out of the Tennessee River.
If you didn't want water problems, then maybe you should have managed your growth and your resources better. More than 500 people move to Atlanta, on average, every day.
Think of it this way: If your kids started inviting over 500 friends every day, and you are happy to have them because they come over looking to do chores (jobs) and leave money on the kitchen table (taxes), you are going to make sure you have enough snacks, nap time options and, maybe most importantly, juice boxes for those visitors.
Jay GreesonThat's not a geographical issue; that's a management issue. And to that end, trying to redraft a silly issue from 200 or two years ago about some sort of phantom state line squabble seems somewhere between crafty and Kardashian, with way more weight on the latter.
Heck, spending three full days mourning Zell Miller seems more sensible, to be honest.
No matter what Georgia's brainiac state legislators - remember this is a group that has a strong conservative majority but apparently does not look to land major businesses like Amazon and is happy to have municipalities with laws making sure everyone owns a gun (Kennesaw) or a rake (Acworth) or no one can carry an ice cream cone in his or her back pocket on Sunday - think, this is stupid.
On its face. On its premise. And most importantly, stupid in its naming.
Water War? Say what? There's nothing war-related about any part of this. We have the Tennessee River. You want it. This is not a war; this is an H20 hijacking or a hostile aqua acquisition.
Redrawing the state lines? Seriously.
Hey, if it's that easy, then let's really take the rubber eraser to the No. 2 pencil boundaries.
Hey, North Carolina, we want all the mustard-based barbecue sauces. Deal?
South Carolina, we're going to gerrymander lines to have Charleston and the low country be a satellite state. Maybe Clemson on Saturday afternoons in the fall. Other than that, well, you can keep the rest.
Alabama, well, considering that you got all the backwoods parts of Lookout Mountain, we'll just say thanks and congrats on Fort Payne, home of country music super group Alabama and socks.
As for placing a straw into the waterways of the Mississippi, well, there are a couple of port towns the state of Tennessee may be interested in, but for the most part we have all the really brown water we need.
As for Arkansas, can we dip our straw into the river of cash Walmart continues to pump into that economy? Please?
Kentucky, our neighbors to the north, well, we here in the Volunteer State would like to have two straws, please. The first would be to the betting access you have come the first Saturday in May. The Kentucky Derby is a national treasure and should be a gambling holiday nationwide, funneled through the vast straws of Churchill Downs, of course. The second would be dipping into the vats of Kentucky bourbon being mass produced. Hiccup.
Of course all of this is a joke, just like Georgia's ridiculous attempt to conveniently redraw state lines because it desperately needs to redraw state lines.
And gang, if you think this is about historical markers, then why has no one raised their hands before Georgia, you know, actually needed the water?
In the grand scheme of things, in the land of the free and the home of the brave people willing to make a deal, Georgia should forget trying to slide in the back door on this issue.
Make Tennessee an offer. That's the American way, after all.
Not negotiating with terrorists, whether they are using a gun, a straw or even a state border eraser.
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com and 423-757-6343.