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Jay Greeson

So they are going to sell suds at the soccer site for the Chattanooga Red Wolves.

That site, until they build a new one — and if memory serves that as-to-now- unannounced site was supposed to be named in late February — is Chattanooga Christian School.

For a dual kickoff this weekend with the new Red Wolves, who have their home opener Saturday night, and the less-than-tickled Chattanooga FC, which also plays Saturday at Fort Finley, the beer battle is a big ballyhoo.

For a lot of us, there's no way we'd go to a soccer match without a couple of cocktails. Hey, just like our baseball Lookouts, minor league sports have to be about the event as much as the action and the appeal as an entertainment event not unlike movies, plays and concerts.

Often, that includes beer. And yes, that was left unknown since the Wolves are playing at CCS this year. The compromise, which was approved by the beer board earlier this week, is a small beer garden on a property near the field rather than on school grounds.

It was approved for only this Saturday, so it's safe to assume this is a trial run as the soccer and secular try to find common paths.

Of course that also reminds me of the joke my Nanny told.

"What's the difference between Methodists and Baptists? Methodists will speak when they see you in the liquor store."

 

Speaking of the liquor store

OK, some of us around here have seen our fair share of clear liquor in a mason jar. That would be moonshine or, as PawPaw called it, "homemade wine."

To be honest, I should have spelled it "homemade whine," because more than three gulps would affect the respiratory system in ways that would be measured in weeks.

Well, even with a whole lot of "homemade whine," could you ever see yourself getting to this place?

Meet Charles Ferris and Chris Hicks, of Arkansas, who were arrested last weekend after Hicks showed up at the hospital complaining of chest pains.

He hatched some espionage-like story of chase and gunfire, until Hicks' wife showed up in the ER and shared the truth: Ferris and Hicks got a snoot full of beer and started shooting at each other to test the bulletproof vest they recently purchased.

Both men were charged with aggravated assault and could face up to six years.

 

Obit observations

We received many great nominees this week, including one that almost made us go out of the area.

From Mary, came nominee Tim Schrandt, of Iowa, who died last month.

Various phrases from his obit include:

* "If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn't — because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we're sure he probably offended you."

* "He will be missed by his two granddaughters that he adored and taught to cuss, Peyton and MacKenna."

* "He was ready to meet his Maker; we're just not sure 'The Maker' is ready to meet Tim. Good luck God!"

That was the runner-up.

Because on March 30, 70-year-old Arlin "Geno" Boyd of Rock Springs, Georgia, died. The reasons for death were, and we quote: "Geno wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than seven decades. He enjoyed booze, golf, sweets, gospel music and pretty women until the day he died."

Geno also loved his family, especially his kids, which according to the obit, he loved "more than anything on this Earth, except maybe Willie Nelson and Jesus Christ."

 

Saturday stars

To the leaders of the Elkhart Schools in South Bend, Indiana, who are working with a nonprofit called Cultivate to do everything possible to make sure hungry students have enough to eat.

Too many students — studies as recent as 2017 say that one in eight public school students in America is food-insecure, meaning they have next-to-nothing to eat at home — only eat at school.

Well, at Woodland Elementary, school officials and Cultivate are repurposing unused — and still untouched — food from lunch to students and sending it home with students who need it.

From this Yahoo.com story is a summary that I pray could motivate our school leaders:

"At Elkhart Community Schools, we were wasting a lot of food," Natalie Bickel in student services told WSBT-TV in Indiana. "There wasn't anything to do with the food. So [Cultivate] came to the school three times a week and rescued the food." Some 20 students at Woodland Elementary will be given a backpack packed with eight frozen meals every Friday, until the end of the school year.

That's a heroic idea. Here's hoping it spreads like kudzu.

Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com.

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