We baby boomers grew up being told that money can burn a hole in your pocket. The adage meant that unspent windfalls can leave one with a powerful urge to splurge.
Our sons, ages 13 and 18, seem to have a related problem. Unspent money burns a hole in their brains. In today's wired world: Money plus the internet equals delirium.
As they get older, both of our sons are apt to get cash for their late-fall birthdays and sometimes for Christmas. These cash piles leave them hunched over their laptops looking for ways to liquidate these funds as quickly as possible.
And it's just a short hop from consumer research to obsession.
Case in point: Our 13-year-old son decided a few weeks ago he wanted a new phone. "Wanted" is the operative word here; he didn't need one. But using middle school math, he determined that if he bundled all his birthday money with all his potential Christmas money and folded in a pinch of earned income he could maybe, possibly, pay cash for an upgraded telephone.
Once this notion took hold of his brain, he became obsessed.
After doing the math and several days of internet research on phone prices and models, he had to think of a way to convince his mom and dad that this "new phone" thing was plausible. He knew that it would take more than a pinch of perseverance to make his case, since it was barely a year ago that he was able to convince us that he needed a mobile phone at all.
When his first "hints" were slapped down, he revealed his plan to use only his own money. He knew this would take the wind out of our argument - or, at least, influence his most weak-minded parent. Me.
I instantly became ambivalent, so he jammed his foot through that crack in the door.
"Daddy, would you take me to the AT&T store," he asked on Thanksgiving Day.
"What for?" I asked.
"I don't know," he said.
"Right," I thought. "He wants to go to the phone store, but he doesn't know why."
"Sorry, the AT&T store is not open today," I announced after consulting Siri, the all-knowing internet librarian on my iPhone. "Maybe another time."
Parenting has its own arsenal of negotiating tools. Stalling is one of my parental superpowers. But, as usual, the 13-year-old was playing the long game.
We indeed went to the AT&T store on Black Friday and got some pricing info on new phones.
After a couple of days of testing the waters, he reluctantly withdrew his phone request. Maybe next summer, he conceded. Yes, that would be the prudent course.
In the meantime, he decided to spend his birthday money, left over from October, for an Apple Watch, heavily discounted for Black Friday. This seemed to satiate his new-product hunger, but only for a day or two.
Next, his grandmother left his Christmas money in a card on Thanksgiving, just in case weather stalls her Christmas visit.
Pocket meet hole.
Our son thought it would be prudent to crack open the card and purchase his Christmas gift last weekend, while he could leverage Black Friday to get the best price possible on a mitre saw. It was only logical really, he insisted.
That's how we ended up last Sunday in the parking lot of a Home Depot with a truck full of power tools.
I looked over and he was giddy - clapping his hands and bouncing in the seat.
Wait a minute. Maybe the phone thing was just a diversion ... a red herring that helped him get a new watch and a circular saw. Was this his plan all along?
D'oh! Little sneak.
Mark KennedyContact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-645-8937.