Hart: Democrats start to throw their hats, not their ideas, into the ring

Hart: Democrats start to throw their hats, not their ideas, into the ring

January 25th, 2019 by Ron Hart in Opinion Columns

The "Late Show with Stephen Colbert" and guest Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand during the Jan. 15 show. Scott Kowalchyk/CBS Broadcasting Inc.

Photo by Scott Kowalchyk

"Political campaigns are designed by the same people who sell toothpaste and cars." — Noam Chomsky

As you Democrats load up your clown car for the three-ring circus we call the presidential primaries, the key is to differentiate yourself. Trump did it with the 17 RINO clones against whom he ran.

The key for liberals is to take social stands on things about which no one cares — fashionable worries such as the plight of illegal immigrants, global warming, toxic masculinity and abolishing the Electoral College. It makes them look "concerned."

The Dems' latest fashionable worry is our Electoral College. They say it gives too much power to a few, yet they elect/rig their choice of a presidential candidate with Super Delegates. Liberal darling Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York feels the Electoral College should be abolished, and all student loan debt incurred by attending it should be forgiven. In prepared remarks she went a step farther, saying that any new Electoral College established should only teach gender studies and be government-funded.

Trump set the template for non-traditional announcements. We all remember when he came down the escalator at Trump Tower and called Mexican illegals "rapists and murderers." Good times. Trump's was the only presidential candidacy announcement to be followed by a seminar on condo flipping.

Democrats have been announcing in odd but comfortable places, like Steven Colbert's late-night, talk show, "Good Morning America", etc., where they then giggle and hold hands as if they had just proposed marriage.

I would suggest Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren announce on the Maury Povich Show as they get the results of her DNA test (which likely would come back as "a 100 percent match for a bad idea"). Elizabeth Warren awkwardly drank a beer by herself in her kitchen on YouTube. Even her husband would not join her, but it was a cheap attempt to prove she was Indian. She might not give this up without a fight, showing up at the first debate with a red dot on her forehead. She must get her advice from a team of lawyers she assembled on Legal Zoom.

Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard announced for president on Van Jones' Saturday CNN show. President Trump welcomed her to the race, pointing out she could be the first person born in Hawaii ever to be elected president.

Then you have the ex-mayor of San Antonio and Obama HUD Secretary Julian Castro. He has a creepy smile that's a mix between Batman's Joker and a "Dateline" or "20/20" suspect's. He plans to court the way-left vote if Bernie Sanders doesn't run.

Beto O'Rourke livestreamed his dental cleaning. Not to be outdone, the Sanders folks plan to film his next prostate exam and put it out on DVDs and 8-track tapes. And Bernie might have a problem with Democrats this time. There are pictures of him shaking hands with Donald Trump during the 2016 presidential debates, proof positive to most Democrats that he met with and discussed American policy with a Russian agent during a campaign.

I fully expected New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand to announce against a backdrop of some sort of victimization format, maybe around construction workers in New York City staring at her too long. She will run on Hollywood and PAC money on a platform of combating toxic masculinity and legislation requiring all men to own a cat and to join Oprah's Book Club. Her sexual harassment laws will be her own Gilli-brand of laws, with special loopholes carved out for politicians and movie producers who can green-light a screen play.

Trump will have to respond by supporting the #TimesUp movement. He plans to have OSHA give hookers at Nevada brothels a workplace alarm clock.

All these and other soon-to-be-announced candidates care more about appealing to millennials with a dance video or dental visit, not with ideas. And there will be more of them coming. But Trump, who has done the unthinkable by lowering the rhetoric of politics to that of professional wrestling, has a team working on demeaning nicknames for all of them.

Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.

Getting Started/Comments Policy

Getting started

  1. 1. If you frequently comment on news websites then you may already have a Disqus account. If so, click the "Login" button at the top right of the comment widget and choose whether you'd rather log in with Facebook, Twitter, Google, or a Disqus account.
  2. 2. If you've forgotten your password, Disqus will email you a link that will allow you to create a new one. Easy!
  3. 3. If you're not a member yet, Disqus will go ahead and register you. It's seamless and takes about 10 seconds.
  4. 4. To register, either go through the login process or just click in the box that says "join the discussion," type your comment, and either choose a social media platform to log you in or create a Disqus account with your email address.
  5. 5. If you use Twitter, Facebook or Google to log in, you will need to stay logged into that platform in order to comment. If you create a Disqus account instead, you'll need to remember your Disqus password. Either way, you can change your display name if you'd rather not show off your real name.
  6. 6. Don't be a huge jerk or do anything illegal, and you'll be fine.

Chattanooga Times Free Press Comments Policy

The Chattanooga Times Free Press web sites include interactive areas in which users can express opinions and share ideas and information. We cannot and do not monitor all of the material submitted to the website. Additionally, we do not control, and are not responsible for, content submitted by users. By using the web sites, you may be exposed to content that you may find offensive, indecent, inaccurate, misleading, or otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of the Times Free Press web sites and any content on the Times Free Press web sites, including, but not limited to, whether you should rely on such content. Notwithstanding the foregoing, you acknowledge that we shall have the right (but not the obligation) to review any content that you have submitted to the Times Free Press, and to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content that we determine, in our sole discretion, (a) does not comply with the terms and conditions of this agreement; (b) might violate any law, infringe upon the rights of third parties, or subject us to liability for any reason; or (c) might adversely affect our public image, reputation or goodwill. Moreover, we reserve the right to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content at any time, for the reasons set forth above, for any other reason, or for no reason. If you believe that any content on any of the Times Free Press websites infringes upon any copyrights that you own, please contact us pursuant to the procedures outlined in the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (Title 17 U.S.C. § 512) at the following address:

Copyright Agent
The Chattanooga Times Free Press
400 East 11th Street
Chattanooga, TN 37403
Phone: 423-757-6315
Email: webeditor@timesfreepress.com