OK, with all apologies to fortune cookies, any mystic tarot card readers and all Magic-8 balls around, I'm going to predict the future.
No, this is not like Johnny Carson's Carnac the Magnificent, his famous character who would take a sealed envelope, place it next to his temple and give the question that fit the answer inside.
"What is high and outside?"
"Snoop Dogg at a picnic."
Nope, this is the chance to save the millions of folks who are glued to the various cable channels for the Donald Trump impeachment hearings to see how this turns out without wasting any more time.
Now, if you do not want the ending spoiled, feel free to turn away. (While we are here, Darth Vader is Luke's dad, Rosebud is the sled, Bruce Willis was a ghost in "The Sixth Sense," and, well, just do not watch "The Crying Game." Deal? Deal.)
The House is going to vote to impeach. The Senate won't. The people who hate Trump will hate him more. The people who defend Trump will celebrate.
And the march to November will be must-see theatrics that likely would embarrass the founding fathers of our nation.
Man, when I saw the headline that Chattanooga Chuck had bought the farm, I was hoping the rest of the Fleischmann clan was handling it well.
Turns out it was our city's version of four-legged weather guesser that has made Groundhog Day no worse than the 20th-best holiday and the ninth-best Bill Murray film.
But if he could actually predict the future, didn't he already know this was coming?
Hope he had his varmint affairs in order.
Kudos to the good folks that annually run and operate the Grateful Gobbler on Thanksgiving morning downtown each year for the homeless.
Thousands of good folks pay tens of thousands to the great cause to participate in the walk and burn a few hundred calories before consuming a few thousand calories on Thanksgiving.
Well, now the folks at the Gobbler have found a way for all of us to participate. If you are putting the finishing touches on your family dinner, you want to catch some extra ZZZs on a holiday or even you just want to donate, you can be a "Sleepwalker" in this the 20th annual Gobbler.
For $20 bucks to the cause, you can be a part while being apart.
Now, this is a way I can support any cause.
I appreciate the feedback you folks have offered for the obituary look-backs we have started sharing in this space.
This one is some I knew of without really knowing, which makes me part of a large part of the Chattanooga golfing community.
Carl Arnold turned 102 in January. He held more offices than the Bush family in a variety of organizations that supported his church, our community, our students and everything in between.
Carl was married for more than 71 years and will be reunited with his lifetime love Elysie.
His lasting legacy, his lessons and his life were also marked by a great golfing statistic.
After retiring during the first Reagan administration, Arnold, the oldest member of the Chattanooga Golf and Country Club, was forever proud of having shot his age more than 80 times and telling folks that he might have been the oldest player on the course but he wasn't the worst.
Play 36 for me today, Carl.
Contact Jay Greeson at email@example.com.