I'm old enough to remember when my pancake syrup was not racist, washing your hands 10 times a day was OCD, water was free, porn cost money, and Ellen DeGeneres was nice. Apparently after Ellen was kind to George Bush, we find out that she runs a "toxic" workforce. But we do know that in millennial-speak, a "toxic work environment" is any time an employer asks them to do their jobs.
There was a time when the Dems owned the black vote. Obama got 93% of it. Joe Biden told a black radio personality that "If you don't vote for me, you ain't black." He also said blacks are all the same but Hispanics are diverse.
Biden bristled at a black journalist who inquired about his mental acuity, asking him if he was a "cocaine junkie." He told tales of beating up "Corn Pop," a black gang member and "bad dude" who came at Biden with a "straight razor." It's telling that most of Biden's reflections on race seem to draw inspiration from 1970s Shaft movies.
In response to Biden telegraphing that he would name a black vice president running mate, Trump said he would give the next three hurricanes black women's names.
There was a time when diseases were not political. I asked my doctor when she thought COVID would be over. She replied she is not much into politics, so she couldn't say. Big city unionized teachers want to get paid to not work again. I guess those of us right of center can take solace that closing schools won't help stop the spread of COVID, but it will slow the spread of communism.
In sad news, Florida had to cancel its annual Miss Hooters Pageant over COVID concerns. In my home state, Miss Hooters was arrested for vandalizing her boyfriend's car and mobile home. Troubling, yes, but it won her the talent portion of the Tennessee Miss Hooters contest.
Not too long ago we did not know what "flattening the curve" meant. Curbing the virus this way is important, but it is counterintuitive in Buckhead. Plastic surgeons here have spent years curving the flat.
Just a year ago it was noteworthy — and despised — when a professional athlete knelt during our national anthem. Now players are called out for not kneeling. NBA ratings are down because of all the politics, amplified by one-sided and maudlin media whimpering. Athletes are being co-opted into bowing to the communist organization BLM, often against their will. When the next Nike store gets looted and the manager calls the police, I hope they tell him to call the NBA.
My only respite was watching the PGA Championship on Sunday. Even then, ESPN's announcers would take a minute to salute every player who took a knee to read his putt and would call out those who did not.
There was a time when government would not force a company to sell itself and take a cut, as is happening to TikTok. Trump said he would ban TikTok in the U.S. if it did not sell itself to Microsoft on the cheap. Before TikTok, if you wanted to see 15-year-old girls dance provocatively, you'd have to fly on a private jet with Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein.
Once being a pedophile was a bad thing. Now Democrats, bracing for the list of Jeffrey Epstein accomplices who are Democrats and celebrities, are spinning it as a "sexual orientation." England's Prince Andrew is nervous about pending revelations. He was spotted playing blackjack in Vegas; folks confirmed it was him when he would always hit on 15 and 16 and not 18.
Pimptress Ghislaine Maxwell is sitting on evidence of prominent folks who ran with her and Epstein. Hillary Clinton was seen shopping in Martha's Vineyard for a black dress to wear to Ghislaine's pending funeral. I do not agree with the Clintons on much, but Ghislaine is an awful person. Maxwell has nothing on me and I don't have a dog in this fight, but I have even thought of having her knocked off.
Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, author and TV commentator, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on Twitter.