OK, if you missed the Democratic National Convention, well, no one is going to fault you for that. But if you're looking to get caught up, here's the CliffsNotes:
The convention followed a pretty basic formula: Trump's bad at this. Trump's even worse at that. Cue an Obama.
Trump stinks. Trump's terrible. Cue a Clinton.
Trump's to blame. Trump's at fault. Someone wake up Joe.
DNC, part II
Conversely, Joe Biden's speech Thursday night was much better and more impactful than a lot of his doubters - including the president - expected.
Biden has never been the pulpit-leading preacher that Barack Obama was or the cross between Andy Griffith and the best used car salesman in town like Bill Clinton.
But Biden's delivery and clarity - two of the big targets Trump has tried to hammer - were strong in his acceptance.
Still, the DNC as a whole - just like the upcoming Republican convention - was long on accusations and short on solutions as we are forced to pick from two terrible options.
Again.
And ice cream truck
Only in the surreal year we call 2020 - did you see that two projected Category 1 hurricanes are tracking toward the Florida panhandle next week? - can we get multiple stories about ice cream trucks breaking records and hearts.
First, because every record is made to be broken, Edd China in Britain topped a Guinness World Record by getting his ice cream truck to 73.921 miles per hour. Good luck flagging that guy down for a Sno-Cone.
Second, the traditional ice cream truck jingle that had us running all-out with 50 cents in our hands (and seared into our memory) is apparently racially insensitive.
The song - "Turkey in the Straw" - was played in minstrel shows and had several offensive versions in the early 1900s. It has been replaced with a new jingle that was created by several folks including a member of the Wu-Tang Clan. (Ask your kids. Or their kids.)
Still, who knew getting an ice cream sandwich back in the day was so controversial?
Obit observation
TFP columnist Mark Kennedy pointed us to a great memorial earlier this month to a local man who stormed the beach at Normandy 76 years ago.
Another World War II veteran also made the obituaries that week as Johnnie Lee Vaught was buried last week at Chattanooga National Cemetery. He was 94.
Of course, we all recognize the sacrifices made by those who fought off the evil of Hitler, like Vaught, and give them the hero's tribute they rightly deserve.
But Vaught's life, with a marriage of 52 years before his beloved Bobbie Ann passed, and being a key part of a family that grew to include 14 siblings, four kids, 15 grandkids and 17 great-grandkids, also deserves praise.
Rest easy, Johnnie Lee. Thanks for your service, and for being an anchor for a family that makes the Waltons fit into a downtown one-bedroom.
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com.
Jay Greeson