So, Mr. Potato Head is exploring the options of dropping his courtesy title.
OK, why not. But why stop there? Let's go full bore and global: Potatx Cabeza, anyone?
If Mr./Mrs. Potato Head is a target for public backlash on gender neutrality, then everything must be.
Po, as his/her friends call him/her, has forever been anatomically absent - it is a potato for Pete's sake.
Still, for all we know, Mr. Potato Head may have been a female in the ground and identified as male before becoming a household name. In truth, since potatoes are self-pollinators, each potato possesses male and female flowers to make more tater tots.
That said, keep your head on a swivel, Stretch Armstrong.
Speaking of coming out of the cabinet
It's hard to understand the Oreo ordeal. Three words - "Trans people exist" - swept social media Thursday. Of course they do.
Debate the motives and the details all you want, but it's hard to question the Oreo's history of inclusion, which has been anything but cookie-cutter.
First, the racial harmony of the original Oreo is clear for everyone to see. Then, Oreo was the first snack to stand up against body shamers, unapologetically offering doubled-stuffed versions, then Big Stuffs.
Now, there are a slew of flavors and colors mixed with both black and white cookies. It's a veritable rainbow of options and metaphors, milk optional.
Side question: After the NBA folks were criticized for speaking out on social issues and were told to stick to sports, do Oreo's haters say 'Shut up and nibble?'
Pyramid scheme
Has there ever been major sports decision worse than FIFA, the global governing body of soccer, giving the 2022 World Cup to Qatar more than a decade ago?
Sure, we knew the fix was in from the get-go when FIFA gave the world's most-followed event to a nation where summer temperatures are in the 120s. The event, normally held in the summer months, will be in November and December because then temperatures will be in the mid-to-upper 70s on average.
We also knew the fix was in because I'm pretty sure at least one of the F's in FIFA stands for "fraud."
Now comes news that 6,500 migrant workers have died during construction accidents during the building of facilities needed for the '22 event, and Qatar leaders say those numbers are in line with expected numbers. WHAT?
They expected to have 12 deaths a week since construction started in 2010? Seriously? Not since the Egyptians erected the Pyramids have workplace death tolls like that been viewed as standard operating procedure.
They are building seven soccer stadiums, and working day and night to fill up all local cemeteries, apparently.
Obit observations
Few names are as easily associated with one another in our neck of the woods as Ankar and hoagies.
So when I saw Yasmeen Ankar, our local first lady of fine sandwiches and the Mrs. (Onion) Ring Leader, in the obituaries, this week's observation was clear. Mrs. Ankar died Tuesday. She was 93.
Family and faith are frequent factors in death notices. That's understandable.
Somehow, though, I wish there was a way to count and convey smiles. True and genuine smiles, because through the years, Ankar's Hoagies - the local eatery the family founded and runs today - was overflowing with them.
And when the Lord calls our name, the joy you spread has to be one of the first line items on the checklist, right?
Thanks, Mrs. Ankar, from everyone who's ever enjoyed a steak in a sack, and here's knowing your next table is ready.
Contact Jay Greeson at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com.
Jay Greeson