Cooper's Eye on the Left: If Jesus story is passe ...

Cooper's Eye on the Left: If Jesus story is passe ...

December 24th, 2018 by Clint Cooper in Opinion Free Press

Sing to a new god

If your church is still singing those stodgy old Christmas carols, Australia's Pitt Street Uniting Church is here to offer help. If that old Jesus story is too passé, simply adapt those old songs to the new god of climate change.

The Sydney church of "justice-seeking friends" claims members still sing the traditional carols, but they appear to be more in tune with what they say are the "97 percent of climatologists [who] believe climate change is real, and that it is in part caused by human activity."

The Pitt Street Uniting Church Singers' version of "Joy to the World," for instance, goes thusly: "Cool down the world / the time has come / for targets tight and fair / Let petrol, oil, and coal / prepare to go / Let's fund renewables / Let's fund renewables / Let's fund, let's fund renewables."

Elsewhere in the country, the "Carols against Coal" songbook published by the Australian Religious Response to Climate Change offers numbers such as "O Come All Ye Miners," "Away in a Coal Mine," "O Come, O Come Renewables" and "Hush, Our Solar Panels Sit" (to the tune of "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing").

So, tonight or tomorrow, gather the family around the fireplace, er, electric heater, er, windmill and sing out lustily.


Keeping firefighters white

An effort apparently exists, UCLA professor Corinne Bendensky theorizes in a recent Harvard Business Review column, to keep firefighters white.

The "white men's dominance in the fire service" is accomplished, she bizarrely suggests, by placing emphasis on physical strength. So black men don't have — can't have — physical strength?

"To succeed as a firefighter," Bendensky nevertheless plows forth, "stereotypically masculine traits like brawn and courage are simply not enough. Firefighters also need the intellectual, social, and emotional skills required to deliver medical emergency aid, support each other through traumatic experiences, and engage intimately with the communities they serve. In short, successful firefighters embody a complex mix of skills and traits. And yet, in my research on reducing gender bias and my work conducting training on general diversity and inclusion with fire departments, I find that, when evaluating fit and competence, firefighters tend to default to a reductive set of traits (physical strength evaluated through strict fitness tests, for example) that serve to maintain white men's dominance in the fire service."

She says 96 percent of career firefighters are men and 82 percent are white and compares that with the U.S. military being 60 percent and local police forces 73 percent white.


They otter know better

The aquarium in the California Bay Area, where political correctness seems to be inbred, not only has apologized for calling one of its otters fat but has said it did so by using terms that "originated from African American Vernacular English (AAVE)" and "reference[d] Black women's bodies" in ways "we never intended."

The Monterey Bay Aquarium said this about the otter: "Abby is a thicc girl/What an absolute unit/She chonk/Look at the size of this lady/OH LAWD SHE COMIN/Another internetism!"

Aquarium officials said they had few complaints and many retweets and likes about the otter tweet but were "deeply sorry" if anyone felt "alienated" by the "problematic and insensitive" jokes.

No word was available whether the otter was offended or will be forced to diet. Conceivably, though, the aquarium now has an African American Vernacular English dictionary.


Is it regular or spicy?

In an effort to sell a little more chicken during what can be a stressful time of year in which to fly, Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen launched an "emotional support chicken" meal for travelers in its Terminal C location at Philadelphia International Airport.

The gimmick is a tongue-in-cheek response to the rise of the variety of emotional support animals said to be necessary to help people fly.

The company's limited-time offering features a box that adds a cutout figure of a chicken as if it were carrying a suitcase through a busy airport. The box, the company says, is intended to provide "a good-hearted laugh most need to get through stressful holiday travel."

For shame, says People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). How dare Popeyes mock mental illness and dead animals? Chickens, it says, die "gruesome deaths," and "like all Popeyes chickens, she [the chicken on the box] was abused and killed and constantly restricted."

Somehow, we don't think PETA's shaming is going make many Terminal C passengers miss a meal.

Getting Started/Comments Policy

Getting started

  1. 1. If you frequently comment on news websites then you may already have a Disqus account. If so, click the "Login" button at the top right of the comment widget and choose whether you'd rather log in with Facebook, Twitter, Google, or a Disqus account.
  2. 2. If you've forgotten your password, Disqus will email you a link that will allow you to create a new one. Easy!
  3. 3. If you're not a member yet, Disqus will go ahead and register you. It's seamless and takes about 10 seconds.
  4. 4. To register, either go through the login process or just click in the box that says "join the discussion," type your comment, and either choose a social media platform to log you in or create a Disqus account with your email address.
  5. 5. If you use Twitter, Facebook or Google to log in, you will need to stay logged into that platform in order to comment. If you create a Disqus account instead, you'll need to remember your Disqus password. Either way, you can change your display name if you'd rather not show off your real name.
  6. 6. Don't be a huge jerk or do anything illegal, and you'll be fine.

Chattanooga Times Free Press Comments Policy

The Chattanooga Times Free Press web sites include interactive areas in which users can express opinions and share ideas and information. We cannot and do not monitor all of the material submitted to the website. Additionally, we do not control, and are not responsible for, content submitted by users. By using the web sites, you may be exposed to content that you may find offensive, indecent, inaccurate, misleading, or otherwise objectionable. You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of the Times Free Press web sites and any content on the Times Free Press web sites, including, but not limited to, whether you should rely on such content. Notwithstanding the foregoing, you acknowledge that we shall have the right (but not the obligation) to review any content that you have submitted to the Times Free Press, and to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content that we determine, in our sole discretion, (a) does not comply with the terms and conditions of this agreement; (b) might violate any law, infringe upon the rights of third parties, or subject us to liability for any reason; or (c) might adversely affect our public image, reputation or goodwill. Moreover, we reserve the right to reject, delete, disable, or remove any content at any time, for the reasons set forth above, for any other reason, or for no reason. If you believe that any content on any of the Times Free Press websites infringes upon any copyrights that you own, please contact us pursuant to the procedures outlined in the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (Title 17 U.S.C. § 512) at the following address:

Copyright Agent
The Chattanooga Times Free Press
400 East 11th Street
Chattanooga, TN 37403
Phone: 423-757-6315