Reporters compared Monday night's Iowa caucus debacle to a goat rodeo. I've never been to a goat rodeo, but I have been to a sheep rodeo, and I can tell you the sheep were a lot more organized. Those little guys probably could have counted votes too. It's not really that hard.
Congressional Democrats also apparently can't count votes either. Or at least they hadn't counted the votes they needed before pushing Speaker Nancy Pelosi to begin impeachment proceedings against President Donald Trump.
And so the process ended, with Democrats in disarray in the presidential campaign and Trump, the man they're trying to replace, delivering his State of the Union address sitting atop the highest personal approval poll numbers he's ever gotten from Gallup.
OK, Bloomberg.
The real winner last week is former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who has been lying in the tall grass of the later states, seeding each with money, TV and staff, waiting for the day Democrats take a look at their options and say, "Is this the best we can do?" That day seems to be coming faster than anyone anticipated.
Independent voters I've spoken with tell me they're looking for two things - someone to keep the Trump economy going, without the drama we endure on a daily basis. Economy and competence.
"Can you tell me that the stock market won't fall off a cliff if I vote for you, Bernie?" is a frequent refrain. So is, "Can Mayor Pete run a country? Can any of them?" The Iowa goat show does not inspire confidence.
And in the meantime, quietly yet in plain view, the Bloomberg campaign has been blanketing America with so much cash, you could pull it up over you like a warm blanket.
It's more than money he's pulling out in later states. It's people and endorsements. While the other candidates have spent their focus on peaking in debates and barnstorming Iowa and New Hampshire, Bloomberg has rolled out more than two dozen endorsements from current and former big-city mayors, most in heavily populated, diverse areas.
Places like Augusta, Georgia; Flint, Michigan; Los Angeles; Philadelphia; and Tampa, Florida. When he nabbed the endorsement of the rising-star black mayor of Columbia, South Carolina, The Washington Post's Jonathan Capehart said Bloomberg had bagged "the only Benjamin that matters."
While national Democrats seemed too timid to enact major changes on gun safety and climate change, Bloomberg invested heavily to promote both. There's nothing timid about his approach to climate change. There's nothing timid about his approach to guns.
And by the way, there's not much that's timid about his approach to Donald Trump. While other Democrats have struggled to find the right way to fight back, Bloomberg has seemed to delight in it. One recent ad features him responding to Trump's claim that Bloomberg had hired him to run a golf course. "That's true," Bloomberg says. "But he was the only bidder and running a golf course is the only job I would hire him for."
If we look to Bloomberg's 2005 New York mayor's race, there are lessons to be learned about how a man without a party or much of a personality wins an election. For one thing, he outspent his rival 10-to-1 and outmanned him in every category we have tools to measure.
He's doing something similar now, with more than $300 million already spent on TV, radio and digital advertising around the country.
I heard from one of those Bloomberg staffers recently, who said he thinks of himself as "the COO" of the office where he's working. Can I tell you how many Democratic campaign staffers in the same position I've talked to call themselves the "idea guy?" As in, "The staff executes. I'm the idea guy."
Here's an idea, Democrats. Get serious about beating Trump. Bloomberg may not be one of you, but he may be the only person left to save you - if you're not able to save yourselves.
CQ-Roll Call