Results are in
Wamp, there it is.
OK, corny rap puns aside — seriously, on this May the 4th (be with you), know where Luke Skywalker got his replacement appendage after his lightsaber fight with Darth Vader? The second-hand store — it was a huge day for the Wamp family.
Weston Wamp edged Sabrena Smedley in the Republican primary and earned the right to thump everyone else on the ballot come August to be the next county mayor.
His sister Coty cruised by Neal Pinkston to be the next Hamilton County district attorney.
Congrats to both, and to all the folks who ran.
And more importantly to the record turnout. Way to go Hamilton County voters.
No laughing matter
Sure, this could be a snippet about the Braves bats, which were alarmingly silent for 18 scoreless innings as the Mets swept a doubleheader Tuesday.
And it could be about the brutally bad NBA officiating, which is staggeringly awful in measures that are hard to describe appropriately.
Sadly, this is the next chapter in the "Will Smith" saga of people attacking stand-up comedians.
Dave Chappelle, who has been adamant in his beliefs of free speech in his comedy act, was attacked on stage last night in Hollywood.
(Side note: Amazingly, Chris Rock was in attendance and performed before Chappelle. Rock, who was slapped by Smith at The Oscars for a joke about Smith's wife, came on stage after the attack and quipped, "Is that Will Smith?")
Chappelle has been called transphobic for his jokes about transgender people.
It's the next chapter in a scary attack on stand-up comedy specifically and, big picture, on freedom of speech, art, expression, you name it.
And for the good news
Heavy morning of headlines, huh?
Aaron Judge is good at baseball. Very good.
Last night in Toronto, the Yankees slugger hit a 427-foot homer.
A Blue Jays fan caught the home run ball, and in Toronto, like in a slew of other parks around Major League Baseball, the trend is to return a visitor's home run ball to the field.
This fan, though, did one better and handed the ball to a young Yankees fan in the section.
Cooler still was the priceless and pure reaction from the young fan, who was wearing a Judge 99 T-shirt.
See, Spy, not all Yankees fans are heartless and devoid of emotion.
This and that
— So, now Ol' Uncle Joe is mulling a plan for taxpayers to pick up the tab on almost all student loan debt. Wish I could say I was surprised. Wish I could provide answers on how stupid this is. Wish I could say a lot of things. But know this: This type of budgetary malfeasance — especially in a time of skyrocketing inflation and soaring costs — is how Trump happens. Hey, where can I send all those checks I wrote to pay my college loans and my wife's college loans? Thanks in advance.
— Wow, can't believe I missed Tuesday's 20th anniversary of the first "Spider Man" with Tobey Maguire and the crew. It was the springboard for the Marvel Universe as we know it, which will have its next monster mega-hit Friday with the next Dr. Strange movie.
— Speaking of Dr. Strange, how awesome a name is Benedict Cumberbatch? That sounds like a Dickens character, no?
— You know the rules, and while Paschall leads with UT baseball hitting bombs, there's some football news in his latest missive for the Times Free Press that the Vols have added a former five-star WR through the transfer portal.
So, yeah, May 4th, as in May the 4th be with you.
So naturally, it's Star Wars day.
So on this Which Way Wednesday, which Star Wars character is the best? (We know Vader's answer, and it's hard to argue with him. Especially when he does that thing that makes it impossible for you to breathe.)
Which other actor working today has a Dickensian name like Benedict Cumberbatch? And we have to stay Star Wars on this May 4.
Rushmore of worst characters in the movie series. Go. And remember the mailbag.