Adam Schiff, who resembles that creepy neighbor who has long, awkward stares when he comes to talk to you, got his way on impeachment.

My great-grandfather was a Methodist minister with a sense of humor in the South.

Here is my annual ADD list of random things I was thankful for this year.

The latest taxpayer-funded community theater production of "Get Trump" is playing in Washington, D.C., under the direction of Adam Schiff. It's a real "Schiff Show."

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves with his Emancipation Proclamation. Lincoln's construct was one we all agree on: No one has the right to another person's labor or talent. But the NCAA never got the memo.

Planting CIA operatives in the Trump campaign (an "insurance policy" as Peter Strzok called it) was an epic failed attempt to get rid of Trump via the Russian hoax. But the Dems are still manufacturing crimes. Led by head weasel Adam "Shifty" Schiff, the Dems are trying to use third-hand knowledge of another supposed "crime."

In watching the Democrat debates, I've said the only candidate that made any sense (other than Mayor Pete Buttigieg) is Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, D-Hawaii.

Not to paint with too broad a brush here, but to a company, leaders of corporate America have become a group of cowardly, PC, CYA wusses.

The anti-civil rights Democrat Party of slavery, Jim Crow laws, Democrat KKK Sen. and Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black, George Wallace and Sen. Robert "KKK" Byrd has no tolerance for anyone who might have acted like a knucklehead 30 years ago.

On the premise that I actually prepare to write this op-ed humor column, a friend asked me how much of the Democrat debates I had watched. I responded, "As much as I could stand."

Democrats long have tried to cloak themselves in self-aggrandizing, high ideals. They talk about issues that do not exist or cannot be fixed; that way, there is no way to hold them accountable for results.

It is an exciting time in the South. When summer's heat subsides and there is a nip in the morning air, we know it is time for college football. Women, if you have anything to say to your men, now is the time. Otherwise, wait until after the New Year's Day bowl games.

At the age at which most of us, as children of parents in their upper 70s, are discussing how to take the car keys away from Dad, American politics decides to run those people for president of the United States.

With the help of sensationalizing "fake media" and the entertainment business, which makes pernicious, violent video games and movies (think Quentin Tarantino) which I believe play a big role in mass shootings, liberals predictably seized upon the recent Dayton and El Paso shooting rampages to call for more gun control.

It is not unreasonable to wonder if the suspicious "suicide" of Jeffrey Epstein was protecting the political class like the Russian hoax investigation, or if it was just your run-of-the-mill government incompetence.

The farcical Russian meddling pursuit by Democrats masks the real monkeying in our elections done by their buddies at Google and Facebook. But even by the admissions of Mueller and the FBI, Russia's minor meddling did not change a single vote in the 2016 presidential election.

The Mueller probe was: two years, 19 lawyers (all Democrat donors and partisans), 40 FBI agents, 2,800 subpoenas, 500 search warrants, 500 witnesses, and countless lives thrown into turmoil by harassing people about the aforementioned.

The U.S. Women's National Soccer team went on the Democrat campaign trail after winning its World Cup trophy in convincing fashion.

Last year, Nike tied itself to the muddled message of professional malcontent Colin Kaepernick.

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."

Sen. Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren, D-Massachusetts, has added "gay and lesbian couples" to the growing list of groups for whom she would support reparations.

Worries about Iran's attacks on Saudi ships in the Strait of Hormuz caused many to fear war in the region.

News moves quickly in this age of Trump.

Citing apparently false evidence that an Asian massage parlor was a den of sexual slavery and trafficking of minors, Jupiter, Florida, authorities used heavy-handed Patriot Act surveillance laws to arrest New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft and others.

As the most anxious group (called "Gen Z") of recent grads enters the hottest job market in recent history, here's some advice. Buckle up, buttercups; the real world is nothing like that for which those left-wing, unionized teachers prepared you. It's a jungle out there; only the fittest survive.

Democrats agree with Trump that tariffs on China are a good idea.

Global warming cheerleaders are disheartened by our cool, wet spring.

Most polls show Americans are more severely split along partisan lines than ever before.

Beating all expectations, the U.S. economy continued to grow at an exceptional 3.2% rate in the first quarter of the year.

For two years, I have said there is nothing to this embarrassing, wasteful and farcical Russian collusion investigation.

Tiger Woods, who became his own cautionary tale, made his redemptive comeback and won the Masters after 3,950 days since his last major win.

Economists in Great Britain and the EU predicted that the UK's economy would collapse if it voted for Brexit.

The media/Democrats and their deep state prosecutors have spent more than two years breathlessly bombarding this administration with baseless accusations, initiated by a knowingly false Hillary Clinton/DNC "dossier."

If you were laboring under the illusion that the admissions process at elite colleges is a meritocracy, stop.

The recent arrests of Hollywood parents paying for their kids to get into good colleges highlights what is wrong with higher education. We make a college education a bigger deal than it deserves.

If there is such a thing as a moderate Democrat anymore, Howard Schultz, a guy with good ideas whom I actually like, is one.

With all of the hoax "hate crimes" and #MeToo shakedowns, a buddy of mine said he wants to get in on the action. He was going to claim to be sexually harassed/hate-crimed at work and, when asked by whom, he planned to respond, "By anyone who will settle."

With a new batch of politicians in Washington, D.C., espousing socialism, victimization and House freshman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez running Amazon's jobs out of New York, etc., it might be a good time to re-read Ayn Rand's work.

It seems the party of John F. Kennedy would not even consider nominating him these days. It has moved so far left that even JFK's "A rising tide lifts all boats" speech would be booed by the new Democrat Party as a capitalist statement.

Bartender-turned-thought-leader of the Democrat Congress Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has turned her considerable intellect to opining on climate change.

"Political campaigns are designed by the same people who sell toothpaste and cars." — Noam Chomsky

Donald Trump's Tweet dubbing Jeff Bezos, Amazon's billionaire founder, "Jeff Bozo" reveals more than the locker room MO of our president.

The government shut down Dec. 21 over Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer and Rep. Nancy Pelosi petulantly not wanting Trump to have any border wall funding.

1. It was another safe year for air travel.

What is the result of years of leftist, nanny-state rule? It has hurt the middle class, and eventually there are riots like we see now in France. French President Macron's woes should serve as a warning to America's rising Left.

We don't have royal weddings in America; our spectacle is Congress grilling business executives. Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg appeared earlier in the year, and Google CEO Sundar Pichai is scheduled this week.

Since they lost in the 2016 presidential election, Democrats from Hillary Clinton to candidates for statewide offices have been fed this talking point to use:

When President Trump stopped for a rally in Chattanooga, Tennessee, one of the papers that carries my column got me a press pass to go. So, in order to better understand this slice of Americana, I went.

Kanye West left California and flew east to visit with Donald Trump.

Fall is usually a great time of year. We stop fighting each other over politics and race and go back to not liking each other because of what football team we support.

College football season is just around the corner. It was a mild, wet spring in the South, great for growing SEC football players.

The FBI - long given immense, unaccountable powers to arrest and ruin American lives on a whim - is finally facing some real consequences of its own hubris.

The pernicious Trump "collusion" probe is a stupid waste of money and an unnecessary national embarrassment that will backfire on Democrats.

Donald Trump has become quite the worldwide diplomat. We needed one. There was no place in the world the U.S. was better off after the Obama, Hillary Clinton and John Kerry era.

Last Saturday morning, heard all across the country, "the royal wedding is on TV, the royal wedding is on," screamed by sons who could never quite throw a spiral.

Given his first-hand experience with the massive size, pettiness, cost and overreach of deep-state government in Washington, it is time for Trump to cut about 25 percent of it.

Donald Trump's favorable poll numbers went up last week. Contrary to what you hear from the mainstream media, his numbers are higher than Obama's were at the same point in his presidency.

Liberal rip-off business Starbucks, which made its money opening stores in only affluent neighborhoods (aka redlining), all but cried recently when one of its stores in Philadelphia had two African-American, non-paying customers arrested.

The great Southern tradition, Waffle House, has had its share of controversy lately. The well-run restaurants that are open 24/7/365 are a staple of college kids' late-night, post-party drunk dining.

Former Attorney General Loretta Lynch shopped for a soft interview to preemptively rebut former FBI Director James Comey's upcoming book. When "Deep State" swamp rats fight, a lot is confirmed about what we know about corruption at the political top of the FBI and Department of Justice.

Tiger Woods, who became his own cautionary tale, makes his biggest pitch for a redemptive comeback this week. And what better place to stage his comeback than The Masters Tournament?

Publicity prostitute Stormy Daniels and her Democrat operative handlers made a financial calculation. Could she make more money than the $130,000 she agreed upon, and do more damage to Trump, by violating her non-disclosure contract and speaking?

Liberals manufacture one thing well: pious outrage.

Every bad political idea starts with a false premise. The Affordable Care Act lie that we had an awful health care system and government could fix it and save families "$2,500 a year" spawned the Obamacare disaster.

With the help of a sensationalizing media and of the entertainment business, which makes the violent video games and movies that I think play the biggest role in mass shootings, liberals predictably seized upon the Parkland shooting rampage to call for more gun control.

When you grow up in Columbia, Tenn., the "Mule Capital of the World," you end up knowing a lot about mules. One thing you are told early is that you learn nothing new from the second kick of a mule.

Here is what has happened so far in Special Counsel Mueller's collusion probe and how government has spent our $20 million.

The Olympic Winter Games began, as they always do, with the Parade of Nations — many of which we have yet to invade. By parading like that in those loud outfits, however, they just seem to be asking for it.

We have grown an alphabet soup of powerful agencies like the FBI, DHS, NSA, DOJ, IRS, etc. We invest them with immense powers to arrest and to ruin lives with scant accountability. We allow them to operate in clubby secrecy because they tell us we have to. Why?

During the Obama years, the State of the Union address was a divisive and arrogantly partisan lecture by a smooth-talking president. He lectured Supreme Court members so much that some stopped attending.

Because it is largely government-funded, higher education has become an overpriced failure full of left-leaning political cronies.

People can often "misunderestimate" just how hard it is to be a "very stable genius" all the time. So it is with Trump, battling relentless media that are out to destroy him.

Seth Meyers personified the predictably smug and self-congratulatory Golden Globes Awards on Sunday. The Golden Globes ceremony is the January ritual that kicks off the actors' awards season, where actors give each other awards and which lasts through November. It is good to see these stars finally getting some recognition.

1. Washington elites went after the president on manufactured Russian collusion charges to damage him. Like I said in June, Democrats need to be careful; when you go after a president, you might not get the one you intended. The most popular Christmas song in D.C. this year was "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Nixon."

1. I hope Judge Roy Moore rides away on his horse, "Sassy." It is Christmas, and he can hang around the mall until the kiosks close. (I think malls there still have a place to tie up your horse.) Or he'll continue to be a leader in Alabama; he currently leads the state in most proms attended.

The theatrics surrounding government funding standoffs could be avoided if Washington politicians didn't have the budgeting skills of an Ole Miss frat boy.

When news breaks of a sexual allegation or an event like the violence in Charlottesville, Va., there's a breathless race - before any due process or facts are vetted - to denounce the event.

Here is my annual A.D.D. list of random things I am thankful, and not so thankful, for this year:

One in three folks over 50 who need a colonoscopy fail to have one. That's nuts. It's easier than it's ever been, and not getting this done might kill you.

I took my parents home to Alabama for the Crimson Tide vs. LSU game Saturday, and I had occasion to get some insight into current events from my Druncle Mac. I pass on his blue- collar views because I feel strongly that they go a long way to explain why Trump is president.

As most assumed, lobbyist and fired Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort was indicted by Robert Mueller's investigation.

You'd think Trump would be happy when his presumably favorite team, the Syracuse Orangemen, beat #1 Clemson last week. Instead, he picks a name-calling Twitter fight with our great Sen. Bob Corker as if he were Rosie O'Donnell.

Comedic actor Jack Lemmon popularized the saying, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard."

With all the cowardly decisions, especially the recent national anthem enforcement and the concussions (CTE) deceptions, the real question is: Why does Commissioner Roger Goodell make $44 million a year for running the NFL, a monopoly sanctioned by Congress?

Maybe I am getting old. I remember a time when TV and water were free and pornography cost money. Now I'm certainly not a grammar-Nazi

Full disclosure: My mom is named Irma. I know. Not a storm or a name you'd wish on anyone.

ESPN, long the MSNBC of sports, made a bizarre executive decision to remove Asian-American football announcer Robert Lee from the William & Mary vs. Virginia game. It looked like an Onion headline. But no, ESPN continues to make a left-wing joke of itself. Northern liberal elites' hatred of the South has finally spilled over to South Korea.

In the divisive issue of what to do with Confederate statues around the country, one reason we should take a breath here and not engage in the politics of history is to understand the past.

Buried in all micro-drama distractions of the Trump administration are many of the good things it has done.

Season One of "Survivor: Trump White House" has been nonstop fun. In this week's episode: Spicer out. Reince Priebus out. Anthony Scaramucci in, then out.

Hey Texas, here's a Prince of an idea: No matter the new bathroom laws, let's potty like it's 1999.

It was a nice summer day in Illinois. Kids were enjoying their summer break, diving for murder weapons in the Chicago River, when news broke that the state of Illinois had been downgraded to junk bond status.

Independence Day, a great American tradition, is upon us. Set against the pent-up tension of having to be around all your relatives in scorching heat with dubious potato salad and booze, what could go wrong?

The bitter tone the left has taken toward the GOP, both in media and entertainment, made the shooting of Republicans practicing baseball quite predictable. Instead of debating policy differences, those on the left resort to calling their opponents "evil," and then seek to vilify, humiliate and destroy them. This is done nightly by hosts of the late-night shows.

We have doubled the nation's debt from $10 trillion to $20 trillion in the last eight years, growing the police state. ISIS is on the march. North Korea and Iran have nukes. We have a mucked-up health care system, a sluggish economy and the highest corporate tax and imprisonment rates of any country in the world. But now we are spending our money, time and attention on a "He said, he said" retrospective of former FBI Director James Comey's firing.

So a special counsel has been hired, former FBI Director Robert Mueller, to look into something about Trump — I think. Mueller is well respected by members of Congress on both sides of the aisle and has their unwavering support — right up until he renders a conclusion different from their own theory. Then he will suck and be the worst person in Washington, and there will be calls for him to be investigated.

As Obamacare predictably collapses and the Senate decides how to vote on the House repeal, here is a column I wrote in March 2010:

College presidents, the lambs of administrators, stand silent on the matter of free speech — unless, of course, it is far left speech with which they agree. That's cool.

Many became offended by the feminine term "Mother of All Bombs." Libs are even angrier that we still have "midget submarines" in our fleet. Trump, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby (pretty much all your Bills), and men in general are more confused than ever about our relationships with women.

We all kept looking for the evidence that, as the Democrats and their media kept saying, Donald Trump was in bed with the Russians. As of last week there was no evidence, and then he bombed Russia's ally, Syria. So the final answer is: Nyet!

On Sunday, Donald J. Trump used golf to woo a member of the more conservative Freedom Caucus into seeing things his way and to try to forge an understanding on moving forward on important matters like Obamacare reform. Invitee Sen. Rand Paul tweeted: "I had a great time today with @realDonaldTrump and believe we are getting closer to an agreement on health care!"

In large measure, the reason Donald Trump was elected against the desires of the GOP, and later the Democrats, is that he is really neither. The inability to get the health care revision bill passed last week emphasizes why Americans elected Trump: to break up the caucuses that are driven by special interests and to get things done in Washington. He is not a politician, which is why this seems so awkward, but it's for the best.

Back when I was in college, a "rager" was a wild party. Now the only "ragers" college kids have is when a speaker they disagree with comes to campus. They manufacture rage, all at the expense of the First Amendment. With such rage on its campus, a $70,000-per-year Middlebury College degree just went down in value — again.

One by one, Trump is working on the campaign promises that got him elected: tightening our borders, working on cutting taxes, overturning Obama's executive orders on regulations, fixing Obamacare, appointing one of the right-of-center judges on his list for the Supreme Court, etc. He has Washington, D.C., politicians on both sides in a tizzy. They just can't figure this guy out; they are not used to someone who keeps his campaign promises.

Democrats, the self-proclaimed 'party for the middle class,' raise the middle-class cost of living by raising energy prices with their regulatory meddling. Regulations cost consumers $1.8 trillion per year, which means higher bills for utilities, gas and transportation for the average person.

Incomprehensible laws on when an incoming president's national security adviser can talk to a Russian ambassador cost Mike Flynn his job. I am actually for term limits, but I believe our national security adviser's term should last longer than a gallon of milk.

Entertainers took time from giving each other awards to give each other awards at the Grammys on Sunday. I'm surprised they could spare the time out from Trump bashing, but they did manage to honor themselves yet again. It's nice for celebrities to get some attention.

Lefties have one go-to reaction to anything that does not fit their narrative: protest. They know if George Soros or any two-bit local malcontent can get 10 lay-about friends together, paint some signs and alert the media, they will get inordinate TV coverage. Apparently you don't have to say what you are protesting or have a concise message. Just show up in perpetual outrage.

In search of any plausible, positive legacy item, even if they have to manufacture it, Democrats have advanced the false narrative that Obama "saved the economy." It would be a neat thing if it were true.

Libs are mad because Hillary lost, and they are acting out.

Here is what we learned about this administration in the wake of purported Russian 'phishing' of Clinton campaign manager John Podesta's email.

Inside Barack Obama's rhetoric of 'income inequality' and 'attack the rich,' used mainly to sway envy-driven, simple minds, was always a dangerous subtext: Capitalism and entrepreneurs are bad. Trump needs to get us back to our capitalist roots, cut government and start running government like a business.

As Obama and fellow Democrat travelers in the media work down their checklist of excuses for being demolished in the election, Russian email leaking is the latest 'dog who ate their homework.'

There's a bright side to every loss. The Clintons can now spend more time 'saving the world' with their Clinton Foundation, which in no way was a self-enrichment/pay-for-play scheme.

Donald Trump, who is not even in office yet, is already effecting change by keeping American jobs. Even Ronald Reagan had to wait until his first day in office to get our Iran hostages released.

Crawling out of their safe spaces after the election, the media are now advancing the narrative that Trump is running behind in his cabinet selection process and that tumult reigns. Never mind that he is ahead of where Obama was at this stage of the game. Facts no longer have a place in modern mainstream reporting.

The hard-fought presidential election is, mercifully, over. Now Americans can relax, stop despising each other for how they voted and go back to disliking each other based on the football team they like.

Apparent Democratic operatives firebombed a North Carolina Republican headquarters. Just when you thought this presidential race could not any more heated, one party firebombs another. Even Kim Jung Un of North Korea said, hey Americans, take this down a notch.

News flash: Donald Trump does not try to pay any more federal taxes than he owes.

Knowing about this obscure city in Syria is apparently the litmus test to be president, according to the Washington, D.C., chattering class — the same ones who said nothing when candidate Obama said he had visited all 57 states.

He can say stupid and hypocritical things; it's every American's right to be an idiot. And it's my right to make fun of him.

Just like her boss and mentor, Hillary Clinton, Huma Abedin-Weiner struck a political power couple deal with her ex-congressman husband, Anthony Weiner. This speaks to two things: judgment and just how thirsty they are for power.

Donald Trump and his family took charge of the GOP Convention last week. His sons, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump Jr., and daughter Ivanka Trump Jr., were great. I kid, but if anyone else were to name all his kids Donald Trump Jr. in a George Foreman-style child naming scheme, it would be Donald Trump.

Hillary Clinton was fired for dishonesty from her role in the Watergate investigation, but she learned a lot about the importance of destroying evidence.

In spite of all the facts, the media are again taking a hit off the bong of the Black Lives Matters lies in pursuit of their political agenda — and higher ratings.

The Orlando gay nightclub shooter was on the FBI watch list. He was turned in to the FBI again by a gun shop owner for trying to buy 1,000 rounds of ammunition and a bulletproof vest. And he swore allegiance to ISIS in Arabic during the shooting. Obama's feds are still trying to find his motive.

Because it is largely government-funded, higher education has become an overpriced and failing proposition, full of left-leaning political cronies. And bloated colleges with tenured professors who seek to indoctrinate, rather than educate, diminish our country.

The primaries, where Democrats debate over who loves African-Americans the most and Republicans debate who loves Jesus more, are over. Now, both parties must sell us on who will be best for the economy.

There are so many things going on. Since I am on vacation, I'll just summarize:

Now that she knows Donald Trump is her November opponent, Hillary Clinton had The New York Times do a hit piece Sunday on him and his "women issues." It's curious; Trump has been running for more than a year, in primaries against as many as 16 other GOP candidates, and "the Great Gray Lady" just now decided to run the piece.

A tough few weeks for Ted Cruz has culminated with a crushing defeat in Indiana and his decision to suspend his campaign.

Here is a Prince of an idea: No matter the new bathroom laws, let's potty like it's 1999.

An Emory University degree just went down in value — again.

There are five presidential candidates left. We have been dealt Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. If they were a poker hand, I'd fold.

As cracks in the Democratic and Republican ranks expand exponentially, we now effectively have at least a four-party system.

Recently released statistics show that the percentage of adults under age 30 who own a business is the lowest in 30 years. Today, only 3.6 percent own a stake in a private company, compared with 6.1 percent in 2010. Even more troubling: This number was 10.6 percent in 1989.

Those in the entertainment business took some time off from giving each other awards to give each other awards and talk about race Sunday at the Oscars. They will now take a 14-day break from bestowing awards on themselves so they have time to make another crappy movie, record a song or go to rehab.

The GOP presidential field got through its bruising South Carolina primary with only one casualty: Jeb Bush. The South Carolina primary is a backstabbing political free-for-all combined with manslaughter.

It was a great blow to freedom and to the Constitution when Justice Antonin Scalia died suddenly. I predict that, in a closely watched and contentious decision, the Supremes vote 5-3 to buy flowers for his funeral.

I'm just back from Cuba, where I observed that, while Cubans are realizing the futility of central command-and-control government, we are embracing it. Cuba and the U.S. are like ships passing in the night.

As the corruption exposed by Hillary Clinton's emails — and the use of the Clinton Crime Family Foundation to launder political shakedown money — percolates, she might need another sex scandal from Bill to divert attention from her.

I head to Cuba this week to see what 50 years of socialism have done to that country's economy and to the well-being of the citizens. I want to get there before "normalization," meaning when there are a CVS and a Pure Barre on every corner.

The record Powerball lottery jackpot, purportedly $1.5 billion, produced three winners last week, each of whom will get a lump sum of about $330 million, which is the most money anyone (if you don't count Prince Charles) has gotten for doing nothing.

With all the conflicts in Iran, Saudi Arabia and Syria last week, evil dictator-in-training Kim Jong-un was feeling a little ignored. So he either tested, or pretended to test, a hydrogen bomb.

It is time I stop railing at politicians and start making fun of my family again. The focus groups who read my column seem to want to hear more about my Uncle Mac. Everyone but my family wants me to talk about him.

Here's my annual look back at the year just past: