You’ve been a decent and attentive dad, raised your children and now they may be off to life. If they have kept their noses clean, relatively speaking, done pretty well in school and are on their way to becoming contributing citizens to society, then congratulations indeed, dad.
Parenting is the toughest job in the world. If you have run that gauntlet and survived with just a few scars and bruises, you’re a success. You’ve qualified as a mentor, and you should feel proud.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black pose for a portrait Monday, March 28, 2016 at the Chattanooga Times Free Press.As former basketball great Bill Russell said in a recent article in USA Today, “Mentors transform lives.” If a mentor isn’t involved “in real life” with a youngster – his own child or another – then he’s not doing his role justice. Russell, a founding board member of MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership, says a mentor must be able to look a youngster in the eye to make a real difference. “You need to be there, physically present and in the moment.”
Reading the article and exploring the “In Real Life” campaign at Mentoring.org got us thinking about dad’s role in the life of his children. Our job as a father really never ends. Eventually, we have to let our grown children fly free. But just as our kids can never catch up to our chronological age, they also will be a couple of decades behind our years of experience.
When your son or daughter lands that first big job or becomes a parent, you’ll no doubt have some wisdom to impart. Of course, you’ll need to utilize finesse in how you share that wisdom. You won’t be able to sit your adult son down and waggle your finger in his face. Your finger-waggling days are long gone. You may have to wait until you’re asked for your sage advice. In most cases, however, you will continue to be a role model, a fount of wisdom, a mentor.
Eventually, dad, you may add a new title to your pedigree – grandfather. While you will enjoy the opportunity to spoil your grandkids, you also will be emulated as a role model and mentor. Whether a dad, granddad or perhaps a favorite uncle, you will forever stand as a symbol of strength and respect. Those cute and noisy critters running circles around you and climbing on your sore shoulders will follow your lead.
Russell notes in the USA Today article that there are “more than 9 million children in this country growing up without an adult role model in their life.” So you can continue to make a difference. Russell reminds us that “there is no such thing as other people’s children.” There will always be a kid who needs your positive influence, your guidance and your friendship. Check out Russell’s organization or look for mentoring opportunities in your own community.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.