DAVE LETTERMAN’S TOP 10
Top 10 signs you’re attending a phony university:• 10. First question on the application is “Are you a cop?”• 9. Acceptance letter reads, “Congratulations current resident.”• 8. On your first day, you’re asked to chair the physics department.• 7. To graduate, you need 32 credits or 32 Mountain Dew twist-off caps.• 6. Upon closer inspection, you see it’s called “Harvarb.”• 5. “Classroom” is just an abandoned storage locker.• 4. Lectures have a two-drink minimum• 3. Dean is just a guy named Dean.• 2. Motto of the university is “No Refund.”• 1. President of the university is this guy right here (video of Donald Trump).Source: “Late Show With David Letterman”
Bogged down
A husband and wife are driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They come to a muddy patch in the road, and when they try to drive through, the car gets stuck. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they see a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stops when he sees the couple in trouble and offers to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepts, and minutes later the car is free. The farmer turns to the husband and says, “You know, you’re the 10th car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plow your land? At night?”
“No,” the young farmer replies. “Night is when I put the water in the hole.”