Dave Letterman’s Top 10
Top 10 ways to make your college application stand out10. Address envelope to “The Very Handsome Dean of Admissions.”9. Every fifth word: heretofore.8. Include a very well-lit photograph of your brain.7. Mention your love of sleeping in bunk beds.6. Lots of glitter.5. Include a moist towelette.4. Instead of ink, use delicious butterscotch.3. If you’ve been to space, mention you’ve been to space.2. Personally give it to the dean at home in the middle of the night.1. In the part that says, “For office use only,” write, “accept.”Source: “Late Show With David Letterman”
Fully hydrated
Aunt Fanny was turning 100 years old, and a visiting reporter was asking her secret to a long life.
She said, “For better digestion, I drink beer. In case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. If I have low blood pressure, I drink red wine. If I have high blood pressure, I drink Scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink schnapps.”
“My, that’s quite a list,” the reporter said. “When do you drink water?”