DAVE LETTERMAN’S TOP 10
Top 10 thoughts going through this woman’s mind at this moment (fan who was kicked in the head by Miguel during Billboard Music Awards):10. “Was that supposed to happen?”9. “Where is the ‘No Kicking’ section?”8. “I wonder if Miguel will sign my neck brace.”7. “Why couldn’t I be kicked by someone I’ve heard of?”6. “Does this count as a ‘meet-and-greet’?”5. “Go Pacers!”4. “I’d be famous if anybody was watching this.”3. “Sorry I can’t stick around to boo Justin Bieber.”2. “Isn’t this what killed Margaret Thatcher?”1. “If it was Cee Lo, I’d be dead.”Source: “Late Show With David Letterman”
Dragon breath
Two dragons walk into a bar. One says, “Boy, it’s hot in here.”
The other replies, “Shut your mouth.”
Forewarned
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island.
Then one morning, he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.