DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Dan,” and I do not consume alcohol. Several years ago, a consultant, “Ken,” took Dan and co-workers out for dinner. Ken ordered a bottle of wine for the table. Not wanting to cause a scene, my husband drank the glass poured for him. Ken has invited Dan and me to join him and his wife for an evening out, and he wants to meet early for drinks.
I think Dan should give Ken a heads-up beforehand. Dan thinks it would be rude to refuse a drink. Is there a polite way to decline without offending? – RESPECTFULLY DECLINE
DEAR RESPECTFULLY: It is perfectly acceptable to refuse alcohol. For various reasons, many people forgo the grape (and the harder stuff) these days. If a server asks your husband what beverage he would like, your husband should state his preference. There is no shame in it, and it isn’t rude. That the host is providing alcohol is not a mandate to indulge. If Ken pushes, Dan should simply tell him the two of you generally prefer not to drink alcohol.
DEAR ABBY: I am 30 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have always been slender, so like many expecting women, I am somewhat self-conscious of my changing (and ever-growing) figure. I was at the park today with my 2-year-old son when an older woman smiled and asked me when I was due. When I told her, she replied, “Oh, my God. Are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” I thought her comment was appalling. Since when is it OK to comment on someone else’s body? I was left feeling embarrassed, angry, and on top of that, enormous!
I know I shouldn’t care what other people say or think, but pregnancy is also a hormonal time, and I can’t seem to get past her nasty comment. What ever happened to “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? A simple “Congratulations,” or “How exciting!” would have been a far more appropriate and well-received response.