I didn’t realize this until recently, but when it comes to alcoholic beverages, what we’re really talking about is ethanol. Yes, the kind you’re – perhaps grudgingly – putting in your car.
According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, 13.7 billion gallons of the fuel ethanol were added to American gas in 2015. That’s about 10 percent, by volume, of all gas consumed annually in the U.S.
Casey PhillipsSo if ethanol is drinking alcohol – and probably ignoring a lot of elementary chemistry about why gas is in no way similar to beer – then the laws of analogy suggest a pint of gasoline that’s 10 percent “alcoholic” could impart a pretty intense buzz, in addition to a host of other painful side effects. (Seriously, though, please don’t drink gas. It’s really bad for you.)
Considering the average light truck and passenger car in America is only about 11 years old, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation, that means most vehicles are a bunch of minors happily swilling car booze by the gallon.
Since he rolled off the line in 1997, however, my little 1998 Toyota Corolla – his name is Finn – soon will reach the age of majority and be able to park at any bar he wants to enjoy a double shot of unleaded. Minus some mechanical typewriters and my wife’s Nintendo Entertainment System, that makes my grubby white sedan the oldest piece of technology I own.
Staggering as that thought is, statistics say it’s probably fairly commonplace. The ever-shrinking hardware upgrade cycle means we feel the need to replace the vast majority of tech in our lives after an alarmingly short amount of time.
In 2014, the Consumer Technology Association conducted a survey of 1,000 people’s buying habits to determine how long they expected to own certain classes of devices such as TVs, cameras, laptops and game consoles. According to the study, the average expected lifespan of consumer technology was only about five years, making most cars long-lived and Finn truly ancient, by comparison.
But when it comes to the tech industry, smartphones are the true mayflies. According to data collected in 2015 by Kantar WorldPanel, most of them last less than 22 months before their owner upgrades.
It’s truly odd to think I’m puttering around in what amounts to a grandpa-mobile while counting the days until the next iPhone without detecting even a whiff of irony or silliness.
Truthfully, if I smell anything at all, it’s probably from Finn’s last trip to the pump. That guy is terrible at holding his liquor.
Contact Casey Phillips at cphillips@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6205. Follow him on Twitter at @PhillipsCTFP.