Calendar quickies
Q: What do calendars eat?A: Dates.Q: What did one calendar say to the other?A: Want to go on a date?Q: You know those people who make calendars?A: They can never take a day off.Q: Who are calendars for?A: The week-minded.* All the seasons are named after coils of metal. Except winter and summer. And fall.* When they received a free calendar in the mail, the girlfriend grabbed it. “Give it here. I want to see what day my birthday’s on next year,” she said.When she finished she asked “Do you want to check what day yours is on?”“There’s no need,” he replied. “My birthday is the 9th of June every year.”
Party time
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Wishes and wisdom
» A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.