DEAR ABBY: “Lacey” was my best friend from middle school into adulthood. We were each other’s maids of honors. A few years ago we had a falling out. She was going through a tough time and lashed out at me. When I tried to tell her I didn’t like how she was treating me, she told me to “have a nice life.” Shortly after that, my sister struck up a friendship with her and insisted my parents invite her for Thanksgiving dinner. I told my mother I wasn’t comfortable with Lacey coming, but she said it would be rude not to invite her. I no longer attend holiday dinners. Is it wrong of me to not want my family to be so friendly with someone who was unkind to me? It seems odd to me that my former friend would pursue relationships with my sisters and parents and odder still that my parents and sisters would encourage it. Is there a positive way to address this situation? – DISCOUNTED AND EXCLUDED IN NEVADA
DEAR DISCOUNTED: It seems odd to me, too, that your parents would continue including Lacey in family dinners knowing how uncomfortable it makes you. You can’t dictate whom your sister(s) can be friendly with, but you should explain to your parents how her inclusion has made you feel, so they’ll understand why you are absent.
When Lacey advised you to “have a nice life,” I hope you took her up on it and made other friends. I also hope you aren’t alone when the holidays roll around. Sometimes the most rewarding and loving experiences and relationships we have are with the “families” we build for ourselves.
DEAR ABBY: I was taught that punctuality is important. My husband and I are almost always at least a few minutes early for everything we do. I realize not everyone can be – or wants to be – early. However, it seems that almost everyone we know is late. Sometimes it’s five minutes, others it’s 20 to 30 minutes. And it’s not just people we know. I was kept waiting for 25 minutes by someone who was buying an item from me.
Why do people think this is OK? I was taught that it’s rude to keep someone waiting for you. What are your thoughts on punctuality?