Current events
From www.newsmax.com:
* Everyone’s OK, but over the weekend off the coast of Florida, a Carnival Cruise ship almost hit two jet skiers. Today, the captain of the ship apologized and said, “I’ll get them next time.” – Conan O’Brien
* An Ohio couple was arrested for faking their own murder. People grew suspicious when the couple changed their Facebook status to “We’ve been murdered.” Sad! – Conan O’Brien
* An Oregon man led police on a 10-mile, high-speed chase on Sunday in a stolen street sweeper truck. On the bright side, by the time he was arrested, his community service was done. – Seth Meyers