Greeson: Potentially embarrassing domain names

In the coming weeks and months, a variety of new domain names will be available online.

The Internet Corporation of Assigned Names and Numbers is opening a number of new suffixes that go beyond the .com and the .net options. Some of these will be easy to understand and the connection will be apparent.

We could see big-league baseball teams adopt .mlb, for instance, or political candidates using .gop or .dem, and those examples make sense.

Some of the biggest stars, institutions and corporations are buying up the names with embarrassing or potential offensive suffixes. So yes, “YourName.porn” or “ThisCompany.xxx” could soon be a landing page on Al Gore’s World Wide Web.

Of the local brands that have preemptively fought this new trend, it seems Volkswagen and Little Debbie have been busy collecting potential names.

Good thing, too, since no one wants to see suggestive pictures of a snack cake in a compromising position.

Resigning to resign

No, I am not going anywhere. Hope that didn’t disappoint you.

But we do have to note the resignation of Darryl Black, the now former head of the still nonexistent Chattanooga History Center.

Black, you see, was allegedly responsible for the snail-like progress of the downtown monument to the story of Chattanooga. While our city’s story has long been written and gets more fascinating by the year, the history center struggled with fundraising under Black.

It was slated for a mid-2012 opening, and that was pushed back into 2013 and again into 2014. Then, in January 2015, this newspaper reported that the project still needed $3 million before it could be completed.

The day-to-day operations fall to Marlene Payne, who was formerly the deputy director. Andrew Kean will become a consultant on the project.

Black, according to a news release, has accepted a job as the executive director of the Seminary Ridge Museum in Gettysburg, Pa.

Here’s hoping they’ve already built that one.

Do we need a river czar?

I’ll throw my jumbo-sized, inflatable swimmie wings into the pool if needed, but it’s apparent we need someone to manage the river and all that it entails downtown.

Look, we owe a great deal of the Phoenix-like rise of our fair ‘burg to that massive, twisting body of water flowing through the heart of downtown. It’s the artery that carried the blood of the downtown revitalization, no matter how many times the Velcro Pygmies play Rhythm N’ Brews.

And in the matter of a week, we are staring at a sinking barge that has been given an “ultimatum” no fewer than five times in the last few years, and a construction process on the riverfront that is apparently being run by Moe, Larry and/or Curly.

The questions about the Casey barge – and the multitude of puns from sunken costs to the whole operation being underwater – and why it wasn’t removed upon any of the previous deadlines and warnings from the Army Corps of Engineers are hard to fathom.

With a summer of river activities – be it the Ironman or that little festival called Riverbend – on the horizon, river issues could become really big current events. (Sorry.)

Orange barrel statues

Can we all agree that interstate yard art is a bad idea?

Worker Wally and Worker Wanda, two orange-barrel statues near the I-24 and I-75 split, caused traffic snarls this week.

We are a gawking society that loves the news of the weird. Hey, how do you think I have a job?

And to put a gawktastic weirdness like orange-barrel statues in what is already the worst traffic mess in our area is beyond silly and borderline dumb.

A promissory note

Hey, we’re all for looking at the possibility of putting a woman on the $20 bill.

There are a lot of choices out there, too.

You could look at Oprah, but isn’t she already on the $10 million bill? (No, there’s not a $10 million bill, but we assumed you knew that.)

Maybe any of the prominent women in the fight for civil rights.

You know the one woman all of us would approve of honoring? Yep, moms everywhere.

Maybe we put M-O-M underneath a picture of Martha Washington, since if George was the father of our country, that would mean she was the mother.

Until next week.

Jay Greeson’s column will appear on Page A2 on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. His sports columns are scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays. You can read his online column the “5-at-10” Monday through Friday at times freepress.com after 10 a.m. Contact him at jgreeson@timesfreepress.com and follow him on Twitter at @jgreesontfp.