This column in our bullying series owes its inspiration and expertise to “An Interview With a Former Bully” by writer Donna Smith.
A bully often has a tough parent, usually a dad. The dad may not be abusive, but he projects an aggressive demeanor. A bully may also be the youngest child in the family who gets picked on by older siblings. When a youngster suffers this kind of treatment repeatedly, he begins to lose self-respect.
In order to regain self-respect, a bully singles out other people who are weaker or different and pushes them around. His victims allow themselves to be bullied. They also have little self-respect and, thus, are easy and vulnerable targets. Often a bully will not pick on anyone who is like him/herself. If the bully is an athlete, he most likely won’t pick on other athletes. If he is nerdy, he will leave other nerds alone.
A bully believes bullying is cool. He or she often bullies in front of an audience, which he mistakenly thinks gains him respect. Some of the bullying is physical, but much of it is also psychological. Usually the latter comes first. When a victim has had enough, he or she will finally strike back. Frequently that gesture of self-defense simply feeds the bully’s desire to become meaner and more vicious. The adrenaline kicks in and fuels the bully’s need to dominate.
Interestingly enough, a bully can become a sideshow for others to watch. Other people begin to set the bully up, daring him to face off with someone else. The bully becomes a pawn. He is too blind to see how he is being manipulated by his so-called friends. For them, watching him square off with someone else is entertainment. It makes good video. For him, his latest victim is yet another mountain to conquer, another chance to prove how tough he is.